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Some people don’t want to be independent…and a crockpot chicken and dressing recipe

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

Sedona, Arizona. Nothing to do with my blog today, but maybe I can make a connection. We’ll see. I may figure it out while I’m writing.

As you know, one of my missions in life these days is to inform and educate people about vision loss. If I were to have a mission statement, it would read something like this: To educate the general public, caregivers, and those new to vision loss about ways to live as independently as possible and to provide encouragement and emotional support to those dealing with a new normal.

That’s why I wrote the book Learning to Live with Vision Loss. That’s why I share my story and spread the word about the aids, devices, and technology I use to do as many things as I can. And that is why my retina specialist sometimes contacts me about someone he’d like for me to talk to about these things.

The truth is, though, some people I’ve talked with don’t share my need for independence. Some are perfectly content with allowing others to do things for them. Some are intimidated by the technology. Some can’t afford the devices. And some are in the valley of depression and don’t want to accept what is happening to them.

I understand all of that. Well, sort of. Technology can be frustrating. Spending money on a device that will likely only last five or six years makes me pause and wonder if the expense is worth it. And I definitely get the valley of depression. After over five years, I still fall into it at times. But I climb out much more quickly than before.

But I do not want to be dependent on anyone else any more than I absolutely have to. I have to depend on others to drive me places, and oh, how I hate that. I hate it for many reasons. One is the limitation of not being able to go and do whenever I want to go and do. I miss running errands. Yes, I truly do. I hate not being able to go places to help others when I want.

“But you have a husband,” you say. “He can drive you where you want to go.”

Yes, he can. But he has his own interests and his own activities. He is not always around, and even if he were, I’m not the type to expect him to go whenever I want to go. His life is busier than mine, and I just cannot be that person who demands. He would do it, I know. But I’m too independent. I’m the kind of person who would never ask someone to go with me to an event I know they wouldn’t enjoy. Knowing they are not enjoying it would dampen my enjoyment, you know?

Back to the independence thing. I’m not talking about people being happy alone. That’s great if you can live like that. If I lived alone, I would still need social connections. I would need to go to church, to social activities, to see friends and family. No, what I mean about independence is doing things for myself instead of expecting others to do them.

That is what my book is about. If you have been diagnosed with the beginnings of glaucoma or AMD or RP or diabetic retinopathy, I encourage you to start learning now about what you may need to know in the future. Did you know that, on average, most people diagnosed with dry AMD are legally blind within ten years, according to my research? Remember, on average. Did you know that 1/3 of the patients seen by my retina specialist have diabetic retinopathy? Did you know glaucoma is the second leading cause of blindness?

So what does this blog have to do with the photo I posted of Sedona. Well, it just hit me. I was there in 2013, but my son took this photo this week and sent it to me. Here’s the connection: If I ever go back, which I would love to do, I won’t be able to see the beauty of the area as I was able to do in 2013. But thanks to technology, I can see this photo on my large-screen iPad and enjoy its beauty once more.

Technology has changed our lives, not all of it for the better, but for those of us with vision loss, it is a game-changer. Please, if you’re relying on others to do everything for you, reconsider. Sure, they’re happy to help you. But their lives would be easier if they didn’t have to do as much. If you’re a caregiver for someone with vision loss, learn for them, research for them, encourage them to try new things. What will happen to them if something happens to you? They need to be able to fend for themselves, even if they are forced to go to an assisted living facility. Knowledge is power. Give it to them.

I know people who are completely blind (remember, most people labeled “blind” actually have some sight–only ten to 15 percent have no sight at all) who work full-time, live alone, travel alone, navigate large cities alone, and live very full lives. It took training and perseverance, but they overcame. A video you might appreciate on YouTube is Blind Architect 60 Minutes. It’s about 13 minutes long. Watch it. That guy is amazing.

And now for the crockpot chicken and dressing recipe that has absolutely nothing to do with this post except even people with vision loss can cook! Yes, completely blind people can cook. Research it (go to Hadley Helps or YouTube) to find out how. Hadley is a GREAT resource.

Crockpot chicken and dressing recipe

Four or five chicken breasts

1 can cream of chicken soup

1 can cream of celery soup

28 oz. chicken broth

four eggs, boiled and cut into chunks

1/2 onion, chopped

olive oil

canola oil (or more olive oil if preferred)

1 tablespoon sage seasoning

3 cups self-rising cornmeal, white or yellow (not Jiffy mix)

1/2 cup or more of milk

one raw egg

Instructions:

Make cornbread by preheating oven to 425 and pouring enough oil (canola or olive) in the bottom of a skillet. Place skillet in oven to heat while mixing with a spoon the corn meal, raw egg, and milk. Add milk if needed to create a mixture that can be stirred with a spoon while retaining thickness.

Remove skillet from oven, pour in cornbread mixture, and bake in oven for 20 minutes. Remove and allow to cool.

Place chicken breasts in casserole dish or baking pan and bake for 25 minutes at 350 or until internal temperature is 160.

Sauté chopped onion in just enough olive oil for about seven minutes.

Once cornbread is cooled, crumble into large crockpot. Chop the boiled eggs and add. Add cooked onions. Add cream of chicken soup, cream of celery soup, chicken broth, and sage. Stir well, cover, and cook on high for one hour.

Cut cooked chicken breasts into strips or chunks and add to crockpot mixture. Stir in, then set crockpot to low. Cook for two more hours.

This makes enough to feed at least a dozen. Great for potlucks and family get-togethers!

There’s nothing like “old” friends…and coconut pie

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

Yes, this is my senior picture. Yes, it was a LONG time ago. Yes, I’m posting it so those of you who have only known me as an adult can see what I looked like in high school. Also to grab your attention to read my blog, LOL. And yes, there is a coconut pie recipe at the end of this post.

In March of my sixth grade year, my parents and I moved from the Texas to a town in Middle Tennessee. For those of you unfamiliar with Tennessee, our state flag has three stars to represent the three divisions of Tennessee–from the Mississippi River to a section of the Tennessee River is West Tennessee; from there to the time zone change is Middle Tennessee; from there to the eastern border is East Tennessee. West and Middle Tennessee are in the central time zone. East Tennessee, obviously, is in the eastern time zone. Fellow grammar police, please forgive if I should have capitalized the time zones.

The move was a little traumatic for me. I had been in a self-contained sixth grade classroom. My new school changed classes according to the subject. Fortunately, I was with the same group of students as we moved from one class to the other. I made friends through school and church, and while those friendships changed as we grew older and went back and forth, there were two friends who remained constant.

But we went out separate ways. We no longer live in the same town. We don’t see each other that often. But thanks to cell phones, we keep in touch. A couple of days ago, one of them discovered how the three of us can have a group phone call. Yes, at our age, we’re a little slow on technology, so don’t judge.

These two came to see me last fall. I blogged about our trip to Memphis, I think, but they spent time at our house too. And my husband got a full dose of not just the women we are but also the girls we were.

The memories we share, both good and bad, unite us. I can be my true self with them. I am not the Sunday school teacher/retired teacher and principal/mother/grandmother. I am just ME.

Sure, I can be myself with my current friends. I am definitely myself with my family.

But when I’m with them or talking with them, I am 16 again. I laugh in a way I don’t laugh with anybody else. I mean, when (I’ll call her “Sue,” she knows why) texted me the following, I laughed until I cried because I was picturing her saying this. You probably won’t find it as funny, but here’s the text. Note: she is trying to exercise more.

“I read that when you walk, you should engage your core. My core is an old maid and has never been engaged.”

Admit it, that’s pretty funny. The funny story in our phone conversation this week was when Nan and Sue were on a tandem bike years ago and Nan was in the front seat. Hot and struggling and red-faced, she looked back to discover Sue was not peddling at all. I guess she thought she was on a bike taxi…

Laugher is the best medicine, but laughter with cherished friends is like a steroid. It invigorates and makes the world a happier place.

We grew up together. We went through the traumas of adolescence, the excitement of new adventures, and more. We even worked at the same bank at one point. Yes, we had our differences, but we got over them.

I hope everyone has at least one friend like that.

Sue always loved my mom’s homemade coconut pie. So here’s the recipe:

Ingredients:

Two frozen pie shells

1 1/2 cups sugar

two tablespoons flour

3 cups milk (whole or 2%)

6 eggs, whites and yolks separated

1 tablespoon vanilla flavoring

1 pat butter

approximately 1 1/2 cups coconut flakes (adjust to personal taste)

Instructions:

Separate pie crusts and set on counter to thaw.

Separate eggs, placing whites in a metal or glass bowl which can be used to beat the egg whites

In the top pan of a double boiler, mix sugar, flour, milk, and egg yolks with a wooden or silicon spoon. Fill bottom pan 2/3 full of water, and place double boiler, with lid on, on medium high heat. Keep an eye on the water to make sure it doesn’t boil dry. You may have to add more during the cooking process.

Stir mixture occasionally to smooth lumps. While custard is cooking, poke holes in thawed pie crusts with a fork. Place in a pre-heated 350 degree oven for ten minutes. Remove and allow to cool.

Custard mixture is ready when it coats the spoon when lifted out of the mixture. Set off heat and add butter and vanilla flavoring. Stir in 3/4 cup coconut. Pour evenly into pie shells.

Add a dash of salt or cream of tartar to egg whites. Beat on high speed with a mixer until stiff peaks form. Beat in two tablespoons granulated sugar. Spread meringue mixture ont top of custard, then spring remaining coconut on top of each. You may wish to add more coconut. Place in 350 degree oven until meringue is lightly browned. Cool completely before covering and placing in the refrigerator. Chill several hours before serving.

Enjoy with your special friends!

Father’s Day thoughts and chocolate oatmeal cookies

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

No, this isn’t anyone in my family. It’s AI generated. But it serves the purpose. And yes, I do have a recipe at the end of this blog. I think that will become a regular part of my blogging.

This Sunday, millions of men will attend church services, and odds are high they will hear a Father’s Day sermon. But based upon what I’ve heard in the past, that sermon will be nothing like the Mother’s Day sermon. On Mother’s Day, mothers are thanked, glorified, praised…you get the idea. Father’s Day sermons are more like warnings and reprimands. Or the role of earthly fathers is briefly mentioned as the sermon goes on to talk about our Heavenly Father. Which is right and should always be a focus of any worship service, but how about encouraging the earthly fathers who are sacrificing their time, money, and energy for their children?

Our society has evolved from the 1950s “Father Knows Best” or Ward Cleaver to George Jefferson and Archie Bunker (who were always wrong) to Tool Time’s Tim Taylor who was an overgrown boy in a man’s body. Somehow men have become the objects of ridicule, criticism, and jokes.

I know I’m speaking in general, and it’s not always the case. I’ve kidded with people and said the tGod created Adam and then said, “There’s no way this guy can make it on his own. I need to create woman.” But I’m joking. The truth is, the world needs both men and women, and as long as the two work together instead of against each other, the world can be a better place.

With these thoughts in mind, then, I choose to blog today about the importance and value of fathers who are doing their best to raise children and be there for their adult children.

To all the dads who stayed up late on Christmas Eve working on the “some assembly required” projects, thank you. To the dads who attended every recital, every ballgame, every cheerleading or band competition, thank you. To the dads who worked long and hard to contribute to the family finances, thank you. To the dads who treated and treat your wives well as an example to your children of what a husband should be like, thank you. To the dads who don’t leave all the parenting to the moms and are actively involved in raising their children, thank you. To the single dads raising children on your own, thank you. And, as a Christian, I have to say to the dads who taught their children about faith, thank you.

I could go on and on. Fathers who are being the best fathers they know how to be deserve recognition. Fathers who have abandoned their roles–how sad. They have hurt their children, no doubt, but they may realize someday they have also hurt themselves.

I know that my husband, as the father of a 42-year-old and a 36-year-old, loves his “boys” deeply. Like me, he sees them as the men they have become, but like me, he hasn’t forgotten the children they were. He was always and is always there for them. They know that. They may not say it (you know, you can’t get mushy with a dad, right?), but they know it. And I know they’re grateful.

My dad passed away in 2012. I missed him for a long time. He and I could talk in ways that I was never able to do with my mom. She and I had a different dynamic. I was such a daddy’s girl. He influenced me in so many ways–his work ethic, his devotion to God, his lack of prejudice in a generation that was very prejudiced, and his loyalty to family. Sure, he wasn’t perfect, but no one is. Sure, he made some mistakes in parenting as we all do. But he did his best.

It is my hope that you dads will be honored appropriately this Father’s Day. It’s my hope that you will receive the recognition you deserve and the encouragement you need. It is my hope that the fathers who have abandoned their roles, either physically, emotionally, or both, will reconsider and change their ways.

And now for the chocolate oatmeal cookie recipe. This was my mother-in-law’s recipe, and my husband can make it better than I can. He is learning to be quite the cook these days. Enjoy!

Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies

Ingredients

2 cups white sugar

1/2 cup Hershey’s cocoa

1/2 cup milk

1/2 stick unsalted butter

3 cups instant oats

In a saucepan on medium high heat, stir together sugar, cocoa, and milk. Bring to a rolling boil and set off of heat. Add 1/2 stick butter and stir until melted. Gradually stir in oats. Drop by spoonfuls onto waxed paper and allow to cool. Remove from waxed paper and store in airtight container.

Banana pudding, fried green tomatoes, and other foods–how they reflect a culture

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

This AI generated photo of banana pudding looks nothing like the ones I make. Notice I wrote “ones.” Yes, I’ll have two banana pudding recipes at the end of this blog.

We went to a vegetable stand last week and purchased our first homegrown tomatoes of the season. These, we were told, were grown by the local Amish and grown without using any pesticides. We trusted they were telling the truth. Green tomatoes were available as well, but I held off. That’s usually a once-a-summer treat for us, not a staple.

I know the stereotypes about Southern food are there for a reason. Fried chicken, fried okra, fried potatoes—I grew up with my mom cooking all that. In my adult years and with my focus on being healthy, I got away from frying foods. It only happens occasionally, and we’ve become so unaccustomed to eating them, the food sits heavy afterwards.

I think you can understand a culture by listening to their language and by noticing their foods. People along the coast eat more seafood for obvious reasons. Here in the agrarian South, recipes are a throwback to earlier generations who lived on farms and raised almost everything they ate.

So why is banana pudding considered a Southern creation? Nobody I know has banana trees. A town about ten miles from us has an annual Banana Festival. In Tennessee/Kentucky? Why?

Bananas were first brought to the New World in the 1500s from Central America, according to what Alexa told me. Obviously they kept being brought in.

Before I continue about food, however, let’s talk about Florida. Most of us in the South don’t consider Florida to be sSouthern. Sure, we flock there on spring break, summer vacation, and fall break because the panhandle has the most accessible beaches, but to include them in the Southern culture is somewhat of a stretch. Feel free to agree or disagree. You fellow Southerners outside of Florida know what I’m talking about.

But why a Banana Festival In South Fulton/Fulton? My understanding is a train carrying carloads of bands derailed there years ago, and the town commemorated that event with a festival annually. Locals, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.

Okay, back to food. Way back in 2004 or so, some friends came to Memphis from England. We drove down, picked them up, and spent the day showing them the area. We found out they couldn’t find food they felt comfortable eating. Memphis was full of barbecue places, and hamburger spots, but they settled on eating at Cracker Barrel where they felt safe ordering breakfast even though it was lunchtime.

I don’t know how they would have reacted to Cajun food in Louisiana. A side note here–the best gumbo I’ve ever had was at Bullfish Grill in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. Go figure.

In the 1990s, our next-door neighbors were from Michigan. We had so much fun with them. Sandy and I walked together regularly, the kids played together, and we got together to play cards on a regular basis. One night they invited us and others over for a milk can dinner. Dave dug out a fire pit in their back yard. Sandy filled a huge milk can with cabbage that had been quartered, whole onions minus the peal, and bratwurst (I think) on top. Dave had drilled a hole in the top of the milk can to allow steam to escape, and they cooked the food over the fire for hours. She prepared corn on the cob on the side, and it was all delicious. The bratwurst spices had seasoned the cabbage and onions, and it truly was delicious.

But they’d never had okra. So I introduced them to that. I can’t remember if they liked it or not.

In December 1982, I was expecting our first child, and I was craving watermelon. Guess what? No grocery store sold watermelon because it was out of season. These days we can buy shipped-in watermelons year-round, but to me they’re never as good as the ones picked ripe and sold soon afterwards. We always think Missouri melons are the best, although we did buy one from Florida the other day that was very good.

In the 1960s, my family lived in Arizona, but we came back to Tennessee every summer to see “the folks.” Mom was going to make tacos for everyone, but there was no grocery store in town that sold tortillas, so she was unable to do so.

How times have changed. I’m glad they have. But there are still regional differences. The Mexican food I grew up with in Arizona is nothing like the Mexican food in the local restaurants, and no doubt The Back Porch in Destin far exceeds any seafood sold here. That’s okay. Diversity is not a bad thing.

As I write this, white beans (also known as Great Northern beans or soup beans in the South) are cooking in a small crockpot. We’re having battered and baked cod fillets for supper (yes, in our area the evening meal is called “supper,” a throwback to the English/Irish/Scottish heritage of the South) and roasted sweet potatoes to go with them while we drink unsweetened, decaffeinated tea. Bet you thought all Southerners drink sweet tea. Wrong.

But I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like banana pudding. So here are my two recipes. The first is the one I learned to make from my mom. The second is the easy, quick one I learned from a friend.

Custard Banana Pudding

Ingredients:

1 1/2 cups sugar

3 cups milk (I use 2%; whole milk will work great, not 1%)

2 tablespoons flour

five eggs, separated

1 teaspoon butter

1 tablespoon vanilla flavoring

3 to 4 bananas

vanilla wafers

Beat egg yolks in a small bowl with a whisk or folk to combine. In the top pan of a double boiler, combine sugar, flour, milk, and eggs. Stir well or use whisk to combine. Add water to 2/3 full of bottom pot and set top on top. Place lid on top and boil until custard thickens. Stir periodically. You may have to add more water to the bottom pot.

When thickened to the point the custard clings to the spoon when lifted out, take off the heat and add butter and vanilla. Allow to cool for ten or fifteen minutes, then transfer mixture to the refrigerator to chill at least an hour.

Once the custard is chilled, place layer of vanilla wafers in bottom of a 9×9 casserole dish or similar dimensions, a layer of sliced bananas, and a layer of the chilled pudding mixture. Continue until all the pudding mixture has been used. Top with vanilla wafers placed face down.

Save the egg whites for another use, or if you desire meringue, don’t top with vanilla wafers. Beat eggs whites until stiff. Add 2 tablespoons sugar and beat again. Spread on top of pudding using a rubber spatula and place in a 350 oven for about ten minutes or until the meringue is lightly browned. Remove from oven, cool, then chill until time to serve.

Now for the simple one!

Easy banana pudding

One large box instant vanilla pudding

3 cups milk

One can sweetened condensed milk

One 8 oz. container Cool Whip

3 to 4 bananas

vanilla wafers

Beat instant pudding and milk for two minutes. Stir in condensed milk and Cool Whip. (I use a rubber spatula.) Layer vanilla wafers, sliced bangs, and pudding mixture in a casserole dish or large bowl and repeat process until all the pudding mixture has been used. Top with vanilla wafers placed face down.

My favorite is the old-fashioned custard recipe. My husband likes the easy one the best. Hope you enjoy one of them!

When life gives you lemons…make lemon pie?

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

I should have posted a picture of lemon pie instead of an abstract water color, but the painting has a point.

I’ve always loved art, for as long as I can remember. With the vision thing, doing detailed art is not easy and seemingly impossible (I haven’t given up yet), but I still enjoy the process. A young woman on YouTube has some fun watercolor projects, and I decided to try her technique. Is it a beautiful art piece? Absolutely no. Was it fun to do? You betcha.

Doing this activity today was especially meaningful. You see, I have a long-standing dislike of Sunday afternoons. Not Sundays. Sunday afternoons. The whole tone of a Sunday afternoon, to me, is BORING. I don’t want to rest. I don’t want to nap. I don’t want to watch TV or read a book. I want to DO something.

When I was working, I longed to do something fun on Sunday afternoons like hike, boat, play tennis, etc. Yes, you’re right, something active. But there was no one to do those things with, so I compromised by going on long walks, going to see my parents, and things like that. And it was fine, except for the Sunday afternoons I had to grade papers instead. Man, if I had it to over, maybe I wouldn’t have been so dedicated. Well, maybe. I’m too much of that kind of teacher.

In retirement, however, I walk all the time, so I don’t feel that urge on Sunday afternoons. I want to do something different. Being unable to drive and with no female friends who have my Sunday afternoon energy level, I have to get creative. Sometimes I do what I call intervals–I tell Alexa to play songs by The Beach Boys or whomever, and I do four different activities. First, I use a weighted hula hoop for the duration of a song. Then I use my stepper for one song. Then I do some Jazzercise moves (remember that?) during a song. Then I use my five-pound or ten-pound dumbbells for one song. Then start over and do the routine for thirty minutes. Stretch afterwards. Collapse for a few minutes until batteries are recharged.

Sometimes I do boredom baking. I make homemade bread or cookies or whatever, depending on what I have on hand. This is usually a cold-weather go-to.

Today, however, I wanted to do artwork. So I took my supplies outside and worked under the umbrella of our patio table. I did two abstract watercolors and sketched one picture with a marker like a Sharpie and colored it in with markers and colored pencils. My guy ended up looking like a terrorist. Oops!

I listened to music while I worked, and I have to say it left me in a good mood. The experience was a reminder, and I hope I will remember this lesson.

The reminder? I should always strive to overcome my circumstances and my obstacles to do the things I love. I shouldn’t quit before I try, and I shouldn’t allow my spirits to drop just because I can’t do them as well as I once did. I may have to adjust my expectations, but that’s okey. The point is to find joy in doing things I love to do, to being with my loved ones, to cherish my friendships, and to count my blessings because there are so many.

A while back, I taught our ladies’ class at church and a part of the lesson was reflecting on the Serenity Prayer and the lessons we learn from it. Since that time, my daily prayer, along with praying about other things, is the Serenity Prayer. I pray it daily, and I pray it with meaning.

Here is my version of it: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Only pray it if you mean it. It won’t work unless you truly do.

You may be wondering why I changed the old saying from “lemonade” to “lemon pie.” Because lemon pie is richer, more of a treat, and more valuable. I think most people would rather have it. So in closing, I’ll share my recipe that is a favorite in our family.

Lemon Icebox Pie

Ingredients:

one packet of graham crackers, crushed

3/4 stick melted butter (note: you can buy a prepared graham cracker crust, but we like the homemade better. And if you’re not concerned about cholesterol or calories, you can use an entire stick of butter.)

one can sweetened condensed milk

3 eggs, divided

the juice of 3 lemons OR 1/3 cup of RealLemon juice

Instructions:

Crush graham crackers using a food processor or placing between waxed paper and crushing with a rolling pin or large drinking glass. Place in bowl and store in melted butter. Spread contents in a pie plate. Set aside.

Cut lemons in half and squeeze juice into a measuring cup. You can use a juicer or just squeeze with your hands. Be sure you get 1/3 cup of juice, and be sure to remove seeds.

In a mixing bowl, pour condensed milk. Add three egg YOLKS and stir well with a rubber spatula or a spoon. Add lemon juice and stir until mixture thickens. Pour into prepared crust and smooth evenly.

In a separate bowl, add egg whites and a dash of salt or pinch of cream of tartar. Beat with a hand mixer until soft peaks form. Add two tablespoons of granulated sugar and mix well. Top pie with meringue. Place in a 350 degree oven until the meringue is lightly browned. I usually start checking after ten minutes. Remove from oven and allow to cool completely before covering and placing in refrigerator to chill several hours before serving.

Enjoy!

Life Lessons Learned from Vision Loss: Maybe They Apply to You

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

We love the Smoky Mountains, so we go at least once a year. However, I no longer enjoy the beautiful scenery as I once did. I can kind of see it but not really, but guess what? I took this photo from the balcony of our condo and with it uploaded on this site and displayed on the 47-inch television I have my computer connected to, I can appreciate the beauty that area has to offer.

I’m grateful I can at least do that.

My vision loss journey was a long one, but it accelerated in 2019 when I started noticing a fog when looking straight ahead. That fog looked like an actual cloud, and it began maybe 100 feet away from me, maybe farther. I could see everything clearly up to that point, and I could see above and below that foggy cloud, but the cloud obscured what I looked at directly.

I was devastated when that happened, but now I can tell you I’d love to be able to see that well again. Now the fog is everywhere. The only time I don’t feel like I’m looking through a fogged-up window is when I look downward. I’m then able, by using my peripheral vision, to see a slice of the world without fog.

I’m not complaining. I’m just explaining. This description ties in with life lessons I have learned. Some may even apply to you.

  1. No matter what you’re going through, be grateful for the good things in your life. That’s easier said than done, I know. If you have aches and pains and wish you could run around like you once did, be grateful if you can still walk on your own. Just like my fog story, your condition may worsen until you are unable to move on your own, so be grateful you can do so now.
  2. Don’t be afraid to learn how to do old things in a new way. We baby-boomers are sometimes resistant to learning technology, but in the world we live in, it is almost essential. No doubt we won’t ever be as comfortable with it as younger people, but I’ve been forced to learn to use Voice Over, speech to text, video descriptions for movies and television (a narrator describes the action), and how to use my laptop by having it connected to the large-screen TV. I use a screen reader to have all sorts of things read to me. If I can do those things, you fellow baby-boomers can learn to do simpler things, right?
  3. Reach out to others who are going through a similar struggle. You may not need their support, but they likely need yours. I have learned a great deal in two support groups on Facebook. I share tips I’ve learned, and theirs. Every now and then someone needs an emotional boost, so it helps with that also.
  4. Trust others. With my inability to drive , I have to rely on others. I can’t see well enough to be a “back-seat” driver, so I have no choice but to keep silent.
  5. Don’t judge someone by his or her appearance. I can’t tell how someone is dressed, how covered with tattoos they are (that is an issue with many in my generation–sorry, it’s just that way, not saying it’s right), or even what kind of car someone drives. I know we all make assessments of others in many ways, but my assessments are based on the person’s tone of voice, language, attitude, and actions. Even with those assessments, it doesn’t take away from the fact that there are many kind, helpful people in this world who don’t fit the social norms.
  6. If you’re sad, cry about it or be despondent, but don’t take it out on others. Biting someone else’s head off just because you’re feeling down and out or bitter is…unkind, selfish, and childish. Sure, we’re all going to have our times that we snap at someone or say something unkind, but don’t think you make the world a better place by making it revolve around you.
  7. Shut-ins are lonely and bored unless their health is so bad they don’t care or unless they are loners at heart. When my husband was working, I was stuck at home many days because the weather prevented me from being outside or walking to town to the library. I was still learning what I could and could not do with the vision loss. That gave me a new empathy for shut-ins. If you know someone in that situation, at least call every now and then if you can’t go by and visit. And if they’re able to get out a little bit, offer to take them somewhere, even if it’s just a drive around the countryside. They’ll let you know if they’re interested or not.
  8. Despite #7, sometimes you just have to get over it and figure things out. It may take a while, but you have to re-adjust your thinking. If you can no longer do things you once loved, find something else. It may take a while to discover it, but if you keep at it, you will find it. I can no longer read books, but I listen to audiobooks and podcasts. I can’t sketch as I once did, so I draw cartoons with a marker. (I’m still working on that one, though, using my CCTV.) I do bad watercolors that are fun to do. I play with Play-Doh. Yes, it’s not just for kids! You get the idea.
  9. Swallow your pride. The first time I accepted a ride with an 88-year-old woman who offered to drive me to a civic meeting, I was appreciative and embarrassed at the same time. There I was, 25 years younger and almost a foot taller, and she was the one giving me a ride. But I accepted because of her kindness. There are times people have to help me by warning me about curbs and things like that, and while it is humiliating to be the one needing that assistance, it’s often necessary, so I just have to accept it and go on.
  10. It’s okay to be down and out at times, but it’s not okay to stay that way. Allow yourself some self-pity moments or cry, but don’t wallow in it. Drowning in our sorrows does no one any good. There are countless people who have endured unthinkable losses, live with unbelievable disabilities, or endure constant pain who choose to make things better for others. Don’t believe me? Search YouTube for Joni and Friends. Find the quadriplegic young woman who is an occupational therapist and demonstrates how she navigates life. Search for someone going through the same difficulty you are.

Years ago, the Serenity Prayer was a big deal. I think still is. Here’s the version I use: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

And maybe add one thing: God, help me to focus on others more than myself.

These are the lessons I’ve learned. I’m sure there are more I did not verbalize, and you likely have your own lessons you could share. I’d love to hear your recommendations.

Widowhood

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

Widowhood is on my mind lately because of so many friends and family members who are dealing with learning to live a new normal. I watch them and hurt for them. I notice how they handle it differently. I listen to them. And I’ve learned some universal truths.

First, widowhood is no respecter of age. It can happen to anyone at any time.

Second, the nights are the worst for most. They can keep busy during the daytime hours, but the evenings can seem long and lonely. Eating alone, whether at home or in a restaurant, is a struggle.

Third, triggers can generate sadness even years after the loss of a spouse. Finding a cup I the back of the cabinet that your loved one used for coffee. Feeling like the odd one out in gatherings consisting of couples. Feeling left out when former couple friends do not include you in their activities. Yet if you go, the fifth-wheel feeling dampens the enjoyment.

Those are the key commonalities I’ve noticed. But here are the differences in coping I’ve observed.

Some isolate. They don’t want to be around others.

Some throw themselves into service for others. They fill their days with helping those who need assistance with transportation, health issues, and doing anything they can to take their minds off their alone state.

Some date again. Quickly. They’re not going to live life alone, no matter how much they loved their spouse, and they are looking for someone else to fill that empty chair at the table and that empty side of the bed.

Some read books about widowhood, attend support group meetings, or reach out to others in the same situation. Many read the Bible or other religious books to find solace and healing.

Younger widows devote themselves to their children. They put their children’s needs first and focus on building a happy home.

I could go on with more observations, but there are far too many because each person handles it differently. It gets better with time for most, but life is never the same. That doesn’t mean it can’t be good.

I don’t know how I would be if I were widowed. No one does until you walk that path yourself. But I think I would want the following from my friends and family if I were ever faced with that grief. The following is what I would want to say, based upon conversations with widows.

I’m grateful for your support at the time of loss, but I’d want you not to forget about me after the initial attention has waned. I would need your support.

If my children live in the same town or at least nearby, please include me in your family meals at times. I don’t have a daughter, but if I did, I’d ask her to have mother-daughter days from time to time. Hey, that’s a great idea even if Mom isn’t widowed. Moms and daughters have a unique bond. Don’t wait until Mom is alone to spend time with her.

It’s okay if I cry and feel lonely. It’s part of the grieving process, and it’s part of learning how to live my new normal. But don’t say things to me like, “Count your blessings” or “It could be worse.” I would know that with my head, but you saying that won’t make me feel it with my heart. It will take time to heal. So let me.

As I write this, I realize the same things could apply to those who have gone through a divorce since they, too, must learn to live a new normal.

I don’t like to think about being alone at some point in my life, but I can’t help but think about it as more and more of my friends lose their spouses. I do know my personality, however. I know I’d be hosting meals in my home for others from time to time. Knowing me, I’d start a widows’ dinner club in which everyone brings a dish and we’d spend time together on at least a monthly basis. I’d cry a lot. Yes, I’m one of those people who cries easily. I’d do what I do now when my limited life caused by vision loss overwhelms me. I’d call friends, I’d call shut-ins, I’d send cards, I’d try to do something for others.

And as long as I’m physically able, I’d exercise. I’d go for long walks or swim or do my intervals (yes, I have a home interval fitness program I’d be happy to share with you if interested), and I’d even go on trips. I’d do whatever I could to escape the aloneness of my life.

But I would never get over the grief completely. I’d handle it better at times than others, but I’d still have my moments. I know that about myself. I’m very self-aware.

Maybe. The truth is, I don’t know what I’d do until I am forced to face it. I may never face it. My husband may be the one dealing with widowhood. He will handle things in his own way.

To all of you who are widowed or divorced, please know that many of us see you. We see your pain. We see your valiant efforts to move on. We may not talk about it, but we’re aware. So we pay for you and do what we can, knowing all along we can’t fix things.

But maybe we can brighten your day in some small way. And maybe your grief will lessen as time goes on and the memories of your life with your loved one will bring laughter instead of tears and joy instead of heartache.

Kentucky Derby weekend–anyone planning to try a Kentucky Hot Brown?

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

July 2024 at Claiborne Farm in Paris, Kentucky. I am feeding a peppermint to a retired race horse worth…wait for it…$85 million.

That’s right, $85 million. Just ten minutes prior to this I had fed a peppermint to his grandson worth $11 million.

I am not a proponent of the gambling involved with horse racing, but I do love the drama of the Derby, the build-up of talking about the horses, the two-minute race that keeps you on edge wondering if the horse you think will win actually does. And I love horses.

Last summer, some friends called to see if we wanted to make a quick trip to Lexington, Kentucky, with a stop at Abraham Lincoln’s birthplace and childhood home in Hodgenville, Kentucky. It was a great trip, one of those unexpected surprises when you really have no particular expectations and end up having a great time.

Claiborne Farm is a breeding farm and is the location of Secretariat’s grave. When a race horse’s career is over at a young age, he is then used for breeding. Our tour group was small with an in-person guide instead of the usual audio or iPad device, and we were able to ask questions as we walked from barn to barn. The walk was an easy one, nothing long or strenuous, and for a gal like me who longed to live on a ranch even into adulthood, it was extra special.

I learned that normally only three parts of the horse are buried–the head, the heart, and the hooves. In Secretariat’s case, though, the entire body was buried. We had seen the movie, but hearing about the famous racehorse prompted us to watch the movie again after we returned home and to pull up all three of his races that were a part of the Triple Crown on YouTube.

We also went to the Kentucky Horse Park where we saw more horses along with demonstrations, but the highlight for me was seeing the skeleton of Lexington, the horse on which Geraldine Brooks’s book Horse is based. Everyone knows that is my current favorite book. Like some of Lisa Wingate’s books, I listen to it at least once a year. I have blogged about it before, so go back to my previous blogs and look for a photo of Barry and me standing in front of a horse skeleton.

I told our friends that we would get together for the Derby in May 2025. I would make Kentucky Hot Browns, and we’d watch the race together. No, no large hats and no mint juleps and no wagering, but we’re going to do it. I’ve never made a Kentucky Hot Brown before, so this could be interesting.

And I’m going to share something about me. I seem to have an uncanny ability to pick the winners. My pics are often against what the odds makers say. No, I’m not going to post my picks so you can bet on a horse I think will win. But I want to see if my streak holds out. I don’t study the horses in advance. I just watch the preliminary information then watch each horse as the jockey rides it to the starting gate. That’s when I make my decision.

Will I be right this year? I’ll find out on Saturday. And even if I’m wrong, it will be a fun time with friends as we relive our fun trip and make new memories. You can’t beat that.

Great places I’ve seen, and places I want to go

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

I took this photo in Nassau, Bahamas, when we went there on a cruise in 2023.

We live in an amazing world, and one lifetime is not enough to see all I’d like to see. After all, life has been full of responsibilities and busyness, not to mention financial considerations, so to think that anyone outside of the very rich could go everywhere they’d like to go is unlikely. Notice I didn’t say impossible.

Some people don’t like to travel to new places. I know many who prefer to go to the beach every year on vacation, and that’s fine.

But that’s not me. Maybe it’s not you. Maybe you’re still dreaming of all the places you want to go. Maybe you “visit” them by watching YouTube videos. Maybe you wonder if going there would be worth it.

Allow me to make a few recommendations:

  1. The Grand Canyon, specifically the south rim. No video or photograph can do it justice. It is a feeling as much as a view.
  2. Washington, D.C. Don’t think I’m crazy, but seeing our nation’s capital (and Capitol) is a must. The museums, the historical buildings, Arlington Cemetery, the house where President Lincoln died…be sure to go to Alexandria, Virginia, and ride the trolley down King (or is it King’s) Road (Street?) and hang out by the Potomac
  3. The Great Smoky Mountains. Whether you are into nature or into commercialization, you can pick and choose. Whether you choose to hike, go tubing or rafting, ride zip lines and mountain coasters, or spend hours shopping in one specialty/touristy shop after another, it’s all there. And rent a cabin. They have amenities to keep you busy or comfort to allow you to be lazy.
  4. The Outer Banks, North Carolina. Stay in Southern Shores or Duck. Go to Manteo to explore a replica of The Lost Colony, go to Kitty Hawk (well, Kill Devil Hills) to see the site of the Wright brothers’ first flight, and enjoy time on a beach NOT lined with condos but rather private residences and not as crowded as Florida beaches. By the way, I’m not a fan of Florida. It’s okay, but just not a fan.
  5. Sedona ad Old Town Scottsdale, Arizona. Enjoy Sedona’s shops, restaurants, red rock beauty, and surreal atmosphere. Enjoy an upscale old west environment in Scottsdale. Shop at Gilbert Ortega Galleries in Scottsdale, but be prepared to pay a high amount for anything you buy. Still, it’s fun to look at what they have to offer.
  6. San Antonio, Texas. Six Flags Fiesta Texas for the kiddos, and the whole family will enjoy Sea World. Be sure to eat at Mi Tierra and shop in El Mercado, take a boat ride on the San Antonio River by the mall across from the Alamo. And, oh, of course, visit The Alamo. It’s not very big.

I could continue with more, but I’ll move along to where I would like to go.

  1. All over Europe, specifically France, Spain, Switzerland, and Austria. Yes, blame “The Sound of Music” for Austria. Blame “Heidi” for Switzerland. Blame my majoring in Spanish for Spain. And blame my ancestry and minoring in French for France.
  2. New York City. Not a long stay. Just enough to see all the must-see stuff.
  3. Boston, Cape Cod, Martha’s Vineyard.
  4. Wyoming and Montana.
  5. I once had a desire to go to Israel, but the area is too unsafe, so I am content watching “Drive-Thru History: The Gospels” and “Drive-Thru History: Acts to Revelation” on Prime Video. It’s free, by the way.

Now you know my top picks. What about yours?

Our local library–a gem for the community

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

I love putting jigsaw puzzles together. I used to spend free time with a large plywood board on my lap assembling Thomas Kinkade and similar-themed puzzles. Many were the 1,000 piece sets. When I finished, I brushed them with puzzle glue, framed them with a poster frame, and used them as changeable décor in the bedrooms of our house.

Vision loss, obviously, took that away from me. But I did discover I could put together large piece puzzles using special lighting and devices. There aren’t many, and I’ve only found 100 piece or fewer puzzles. Because they are not as beautiful as the ones I once assembled, I have no desire to glue and frame them. So why buy one? Especially when I can go to our local library and check them out.

So far, I can only find the ones I need in the children’s department, but that’s okay. I have assembled beach scenes, Disney scenes, and the Noah’s ark pictured, and I’ve avoided the themes that don’t interest me like dinosaurs.

But isn’t it cool I can check them out then return them?

Like to decorate cakes? Our library has an assortment of cake pans so you don’t have to buy your own. Do family research in the genealogy room, use one of the study rooms for group study or tutoring, take your children to story time or any of the other programs offered for children, learn how to do things in the Make-it Space, record your own podcast, music, or video in the recording studio, let your children play with a light board, lLegos, and more. Teens can go to the teen room for video games. Attend free classes offered in the computer room or just use one of the multiple computers in the children’s and adult departments.

The library is a hub of community activity. It is open until 8:00 P.M. on Thursday nights. Last night there were four activities going on. An author of poetry doing a reading and answering questions in the Tennessee room. The Humanities group from the local university having selected students present their work. Another group meeting in the board room. And something going on in one of the rooms of the Event Center downstairs.

Let’s not forget the bookstore that sells used books, CD’s, and DVD’s along with old yearbooks. This is the area you can eat or drink while you read a book or just chat with friends. Vending machines, comfortable chairs, and chairs and tables provide a place to “just be.”

The large outdoor stage hosts everything from music to community-wide church services to plays. The Event Center is the location of countless civic group meetings, special celebrations such as anniversaries, prom, fund-raising dinners, and more.

For years, our town of around 11,000 had to rely on resources on the campus of the local university, but now we don’t have to do that. We have our own resource.

The library of the 21st Century is so much more than a place for books. It’s a place to gather. It’s a place for providing free services to meet the needs of the community. It’s a place for learning.

And for a book nerd like me, it’s a place that brings comfort. I can no longer read an actual book, but I have to admit I like to stroll the aisles and just touch the covers. Audiobooks are my only access to reading, and I’m grateful, but just as the former athlete finds the ballpark, gym, court, or stadium a familiar place that brings an indescribable feeling, that’s what a library or bookstore does for me.

Our local library. Your local library. Check it out. You may be surprised at what you find.