“Family is everything.”

A decorative sign saying “Family Is Everything” that was gifted to me several years ago hangs in our bedroom.

I understand the meaning behind it. For most of us, family is what gives our lives purpose. They fill our lives with joy and friendship, but sometimes family can be the source of our greatest sorrows. Sometimes a family member is someone who is “better loved from a distance.”

The devout and faithful of religions honoring God souls argue that God (or Jesus, the Holy Trinity, etc.) is everything. Some would argue that self is everything. Others would say that friends and social connections are everything.

When my oldest son was being recruited to play college football, the coach told us his order of priority was “faith family, football.” He knew our culture and knew what to say. Unfortunately, his actions did not reflect that philosophy, so lesson learned: don’t believe what people say when they’re trying to get something from you. They’ll use whatever persuasive tactics they can.

What have I learned about family over the years? First, they are not perfect. I write this a lot–I’m not perfect, so neither are they. Next, some are closer than others. This is due to common interests, personality, and proximity. Third, the more distant. the family connection, the more distant the relationship. For example, second cousins are not as close as first cousins. A great-aunt or uncle is usually not as close.

I’ve also learned that siblings are not always someone we can count on. They’re not always someone we hang out with or share our thoughts.

When I was growing up, I adored my only sibling, a brother nine years older than I was. That adoration was made even stronger when he became a father when I was only 12, and I adored my niece. We didn’t live in the same town, but we did get to see each other for weekend visits.

When he and his family moved to California, we only got to see them once a year, and because of Dad’s work schedule, that visit was usually just over a week long. So we filled in with letters and phone calls, but of course, that wasn’t the same as spending time with them in person. There were times over the years that we did spend more time with each other (talking about my niece), but where she and I landed permanently and our individual circumstances sometimes caused us to go years between visits.

That is one of my biggest regrets.

My brother changed over the years, and although I always loved him, spending time with him was not as enjoyable as it had once been. He and I differed in too many ways, including our moral codes, attitudes about life, and faith. My youthful adoration was shattered, but my love for him remained.

Each family has its own dynamic. A friend once joked “We put the ‘fun” in dysfunctional,” and probably most of us could say that.

I’m going to be honest. (My husband would say, “Oh, really?” as a joke meaning why would I be dishonest?) I always wanted siblings. I wanted sisters and brothers close to my age. I loved books like “The Five Little Peppers” because there were five children. I loved “The Sound of Music” partly because of the large number of children. One of my friends when I was growing up was one of five–and I envied that.

Idealistic? Sure. But that was what I wanted.

This photo is of my mom ( seated center” and her brother and two sisters. They were very, very close. Growing up on a farm, they were each other’s playmates, co-workers, and confidants. Yes, they argued at times. But they were there for each other through thick and thin. They loved spending time together.

I am thinking about family today because of a get-together last night with my husband’s aunt and her extended family. She, the great-grandmother, with all three of her children and their spouses and some of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Plus a couple of friends of her son and us. It was great being with all of them and sharing in the celebration of July 4 by doing the very American activities of grilling hamburgers and hot dogs, and having plenty of sides and desserts (including homemade ice creamK) along with newer American activities like playing corn hole and watching France play (and defeat) Paraguay in the World Cup competition.

Since vision loss, I have wished even more for a sister or two or three. Only a sister (or daughter, which I don’t have) could be the pal I want to go shopping, take me places, listen to me when I want to discuss something relevant to women, and that sort of thing. At the same time, I know there are many women with sisters and/or daughters who don’t have the kind of relationship that would allow them to do those things.

So, maybe “Family is everything” is better said “A family that is the kind it should be is invaluable.” Not perfect. Not ideal. But people you can count on and always, despite your differences, love.

By the way, I have had my screenreader read this blog to me twice, and I’ve tried to catch mistakes, but my vision is getting worse all the time, and it’s a struggle to do this today, so I’m going to be lazy and let the mistakes remain. No doubt you can figure out what I’m attempting to say!