Tag: life

Our interests and hobbies: nature or nurture?

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

A lazy, rainy morning after-breakfast, before getting dressed, before hair being brushed. The focus? Aqua Art. Paint perfect pictures using nothing more than water and a brush or finger. Allow to dry. The ink disappears, and you can do it all over again. Bluey and Bingo are perfect every time.

Remember what it was like to be focused on an activity? Remember how zoned-in you were to doing it right? Remember how much you enjoyed it?

Somehow, as we grow older, we sometimes allow the worries and problems of our lives to overshadow the simple joys of interests and hobbies. Sometimes we allow those interests and hobbies to occupy too much of our time, to the point of being obsessed or neglectful of those around us. I believe there should be a healthy balance. Having interests outside of work and family can contribute to better mental health as long as those activities aren’t taken too seriously.

I am convinced some of the interests we had as children remain with us throughout our lives. Those interests may manifest in different ways, but the fascination or joy is there.

When I observe my granddaughters, I notice their very different personalities, but I also notice their natural interests and tendencies. I will be very surprised if the oldest doesn’t become a musician or dancer or an actress in school plays–although her shyness may prevent that–and if the other doesn’t become an athlete of some sort. I can also visualize her being into activities like rock climbing, sky diving, and surfing because she is somewhat of a daredevil.

Time will tell.

When I reflect on my own childhood, the constants were (and are) art projects (especially sketching), drama (I was always in school plays), reading, dogs, horses, and, yes, Elvis. We won’t go into that. No, I didn’t want to grow up and marry him. I’m hoping to see the new movie Epic next week, so I’ll blog about the Elvis thing later.

As an adult, the art interest evolved into all kinds of arts and crafts activities. Macramé, cross-stitching, quilting, sewing, oil painting, acrylic painting, and of course, sketching. One of my favorite classes to teach at the local high school was theater arts, and one of my favorite sponsor activities was sponsoring the Drama Club and directing plays. I never “outgrew” that passion.

My husband, who grew up in a family of non-sports people, developed an interest in sports as young as first or second grade when he would actually watch parts of baseball games on television. Not because his dad was watching them or his older brother, because they didn’t watch them. It was an interest he had at a very early age. Football and basketball interests came along later, and he played adult league softball until he was 50. A basketball goal is still firmly fixed beside our driveway, and it still gets used occasionally. To this day, he watches countless sporting events on television, and to say he is a passionate University of Tennessee sports fan is an understatement. He was listening to John Ward (UT fans know that name!) as young as the age of 10. And the first Super Bowl? He watched it. He was eight or nine.

How often have we as parents tried to pique the interests of our children to what we like to do? I was the one steering our sons to sketching while my husband was the one playing baseball and basketball with them as well as coaching their Parks and Recreation teams. I was the one building cabins with Lincoln Logs while he was the one giving instruction on how to shoot a basketball and how to be a better batter.

Yet you know what they both did on their own? They both developed an interest in playing the guitar and piano. They were primarily self-taught, but they did, and do, exceptionally well. As middle-aged men, they still love to play. Not because we taught them or pushed them in that direction, but because they discovered that interest on their own.

In answer to my question in the title, I believe the majority of who we are and what we like to do is innate. Sure, environmental factors come into play. I don’t know if my sons would have had an interest in sketching if I had not encouraged it. I do believe they would have had an interest in sports because it’s the world we live in and also because they’re athletic, but the music thing? Not nurture. Nature.

My husband’s interest in sports? Nature.

My multiple interests? Nature.

I’m sure a psychologist would refute my opinion and give researched-base answers to my question, but I’m going to go along with the nature idea. To me, it’s obvious. No research needed.

Truthfully, it doesn’t matter whether it’s nature or nurture. What matters is the joy brought by pursuing our interests. So to the sports fans, fishermen, hunters, golfers, artists, seamstresses, cooks, musicians, writers, readers, and singers reading this–enjoy!

Life in a Small(er) Town –what makes Martin special

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

Aren’t these two just too cute for words? Yes, that’s the grandmother in me talking. But I’m right. Aren’t I?

Once again, you may be wondering what this photo has to do with my topic. Bear with me while I sort out my thoughts.

First, let me clarify. I do not hate the idea of living in a city or suburb of a city. There are positives and negatives to any place. Because traffic doesn’t bother me, city traffic is no big deal. Because I like having multiple activities from which to choose, that’s a plus to metropolitan life. No doubt the shopping is better, but it seems that most younger people do online shopping more than in-person shopping, and with malls disappearing…well, it’s just not the same.

But I’ve never lived in a large city. The largest town I lived in had a population of maybe 40,000. I think Martin has a population of about 11,000. So, really, I’m not qualified to extol the virtues of city living because I’ve never experienced it.

The positives of small town life are numerous. Safety, for one. True, we’ve had some tragedies over the years, but thankfully, they are infrequent. Less traffic is a plus, although plenty of locals get frustrated with the small amount of traffic we have at the by-pass intersection near McDonald’s. Another positive is the fact our circle of acquaintances and friends is much wider than it would be in a city. While some may love the anonymity of city life, I like seeing friends and acquaintances on a regular basis.

The obvious factor that makes Martin unique is the university. Unlike other small towns in our state, the university brings us cultural diversity and opportunities for recreation and entertainment. The Rec Center on campus is available to alumni and/or their spouses for the small fee of $35 a month. My husband goes there to play Pickleball, but the basketball courts, running track, weights, and other offerings make it a great option. And think of all the offerings in sports–football, basketball, baseball, softball, volleyball, and maybe some others. Oh, tennis, right? It’s a shame the pool is no longer open. As a college student and for many years while raising my boys, I used that pool a lot. Musical events, plays, special speakers…the list goes on.

Another factor is the schools. This applies to all of Weakley County, not just Martin. From an academic perspective, parents can feel good about sending their children to school in Martin, Sharon, Greenfield, Dresden, or Gleason. The district ranks high in the state. There is no need to send your child to a private school, unless there are other reasons to do so such as religious reasons or socialization issues for your child.

We have a local hospital, but if you prefer the Baptist Health system, those options are just a ten-minute drive away. You’d be farther away than that if you lived in a big city.

Retirees can find affordable housing, lower taxes and insurance, and adequate medical care. We are an hour from Jackson and an hour from Paducah if needed. By the way, Paducah’s Carson Center has all kinds of entertainment offerings (we saw Chicago there several years ago as well as The Beach Boys, Bill Engvall, Martina McBride, and more) and great shopping. Have I mentioned Hobby Lobby is my personal candy store???

We have great locally owned restaurants and shops. Blake’s has been featured in Southern Living, and people come from all over to eat at The Grind. Crave is another favorite (oh, their protein bowls, wraps, pizza…) as well as The Martin Coffeehouse, Higher Ground, Vantage Roasters, and maybe a place I haven’t thought of.

And have I mentioned there is a Chick Fil A on campus? Not one with a full menu (I love those minis made with small rolls and their yogurt parfait but have never tried to order them there).

I could go on and on. Multiple golf courses in the area. The Wellness Center, Dynamic, and other fitness venues. Kentucky Lake isn’t that far away. Reelfoot Lake is popular with duck hunters and fishermen.

Martin is not perfect. It has limited opportunities for college graduates of certain disciplines. Knowing a lot of people can be a mixed bag of good and bad because the sin of gossip and people knowing too much of your personal business is a reality. Yet those same people are there with the casseroles, the hugs, and the expressions of sympathy in times of trouble. They’re there to celebrate in times of joy.

I’m the kind of person who could have lived in cities of any size and thrived. I’m adaptable. But I’ve also thrived living here. Sometimes I’ve been blind to the opportunities, and that’s on me. Sometimes I’ve complained about living here, (well, more than sometimes), but that is because of some personal situations and relationships I will not share.

As I wrap this up, I’m smiling to myself because I know that when I share this on Facebook, most people will not read the blog. They’ll see the photo of my sweet granddaughters and make a comment about them, but thry won’t read this far to find out why I posted it. So, for those of you who are actually reading this, I will explain.

My paternal ancestors were in Weakley County as far back as 1840. My mother, who would be 98 this year if she were still alive, went to Martin High School. My dad was raised in the Dresden area. This town and this county represent my heritage. That may not be important to some, but it is to me.

I want my granddaughters to get to know this place. I want them to spend time with us and experience some of the things I’ve mentioned. When they grow up, I want them to look back with fondness on the times they spent with Gigi and Papa in a town very different from the city where they live. I know they have the advantages of multiple places to go like the zoo, a children’s museum, and other places, but I hope they will find the simple offerings we have here to be a fun diversion from the usual.

Maybe I’m romanticizing small town life a bit (think Hallmark movies, right?), but that’s okay. Each one of us has to find the path that is right for us. And while I didn’t necessarily choose my path as much as it just happened, I am where I need to be.

Learning to let go

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

I’ll explain the photo later in this post.

It took me a while–years, in fact–to learn how to let go of things I can’t control. That’s not to say I don’t have momentary lapses, but for the most part, I’ve done so.

The benefits? Better sleep. A calmer spirit. An improved spiritual life. Translated: better mental health.

You may be wondering how I’ve managed to do this, but before I explain, I’ll list the things I’ve had to learn to let go.

Goals: the goals I had as a 21-year-old didn’t happen

Control: control of my family members, control of all my health concerns, control of whatever is not really in my control

Dreams: We all have had dreams, whether we realize it or not. Your dream might have been as lofty as becoming a professional athlete, singer, or other celebrity or something more normal like finding the perfect mate, but I have to admit my dreams fell somewhere in between the extremes.

Grief: If we live long enough, we all experience grief. If I continue to live, there is no doubt I will endure it again. So when I say I’ve learned to let it go, that doesn’t mean I don’t have my moments. But I don’t allow myself to stay in it.

Maybe none of the above strike a chord within you, and if so, you are either very fortunate or blind to your own issues. I’ll use my mother as an example. Bless her, she was a worrier. She worried about her children and grandchildren constantly as well as her own security issues. She worried about her health. She feared someone was going to break into their house–from her youth she was that way. She feared germs. Truly. Way before Covid. “I don’t worry,” she used to say. “I’m just cautious.” The rest of us could see the truth. She couldn’t.

It’s possible you’re like my mom in some way. It’s also possible you have been blessed with the innate ability to let things go. tMost of us, though, are either a variation of my mother.

Now for the secret to letting go of the disappointments, heartbreaks, longings, and desire to control things beyond my control: prayer.

Before you stop reading at this point because you think I’ve given a cliché religious answer, let me explainIf. I hope you’ll find something helpful.

You remember the Serenity Prayer that was popular many years ago. I pray it. And I mean it. I’ve blogged about it before. To refresh your memory, here’s my variation of it: Dear God, give me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change, the courage or strength to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the different.”Let’s think about the “wisdom” part. That’s a rough one since most of us wonder if we have the wisdom. And, to be honest, some of you reading this are afraid of change, so you won’t even try.

But we can all agree we can’t change the past. Maybe we regret a career decision but at the age of 55, we feel stuck. Guess what, the truth is we likely are. That doesn’t mean you can’t explore possibilities, but in this youth-oriented, youth-focused culture we live in, chances of finding your dream job are slim. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. Just accept it if it doesn’t happen, you can still make the best of things.

I have stopped expecting people to be a certain way. I pray about my family members, but as far as trying to change them in some way, no. I accept them for who they are, love them, and let it go. I may be disappointed in choices they make or attitudes they have, but that is on them. I can’t control them.

Years ago, I flew quite a bit then had a scary experience that kept me from flying for many years. Actually, 41 years! In 2023, I flew again and felt so stupid for depriving myself of travel experiences for so long. Since that time, we’ve flown a couple of more trips, and I just pray for safety, get on the plane, and don’t worry about it. Fear kept me from living my best life.

Which brings me to my next point. I became legally blind in 2020. That condition continues to decline. So the regret over desired trips not taken is magnified by the fact that now that my fear is gone, my vision is gone to the point I can’t see beautiful scenery or experience new places in the same ways I once did. True, I use my peripheral vision, but no one has 20/20 peripheral vision, and I’m losing peripheral vision as well so…it’s just not the same. I’ve learned not to live in that regret. I have to let it go, and just make the most of now. I have no doubt in five years I’ll be wishing I had the amount of vision I have today (it’s a lot worse now than it was in 2020), so I don’t dwell on the past, don’t worry about the future, and focus on appreciating the present.

How do you let go of grief? First, give it time. It’s not going to happen quickly. It may take years. But keep trying. A friend once told me you never get over grief, you just learn to live with it. Support groups, volunteer work, serving others–find what works for you. And pray for strength to accept it.

I said I would explain the photo and how it relates to this topic. This was taken in Yuma, Arizona, on the back patio of a relative’s house. I grew up seeing those mountains on a regular basis and crossing them multiple times when we headed back to Tennessee for trips to see the relatives here. When we left Tennessee and made the long trip back to Yuma, seeing those mountains made me happy because I knew we were almost home.

When my parents moved us back to Tennessee, it was hard for me to appreciate my new home. I missed the familiarity of my house, my neighborhood, my church family, my friends. I pleaded with my parents constantly to move back to Arizona where my brother and his family were. I spent far too many years of my adulthood longing to go back there to live.

I accept now that it was not meant to be for many reasons, and I accept that sometimes our personal wants must be sacrificed for the good of others. All too often, our personal prayers are selfish ones. We want what we want, not what our loved ones want or need. And my personality is the type that can’t push hard for what I want because I can’t be happy if the people I love aren’t happy. That’s just the way I am.

But back to letting go–it’s a wonderful feeling. It took me years to achieve it, and I haven’t reached perfection. I’m trying, though.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.

A visit from a cardinal–which loved one is visiting us?

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

It’s cold here!! The wind chill is currently 0 degrees with an actual temperature of 12. I think the high wind chill is supposed to be 1 today, so guess who’s not planning to go outside?

Whenever it is extremely cold or extremely hot, I am always grateful I live in modern times with modern conveniences and that I am in a financial situation that allows me to have these comforts. My heart goes out to those who are not as fortunate, and I can’t imagine what so many are dealing with right now.

Aside from the dangers that come with extreme temperatures, whether high or low, I will admit I do love the four seasons. I know many would rather live where it is a perfect temperature all year round, I often say that’s why San Diego is so crowded. But, for me, I think that would get old.

Why do I feel this way? Well, if you know anything about me, you know I love change and hate routine. I can handle routine for a while, and then I need a break. Variety truly is the spice of life for me, and I am adaptable for the mosts part in any situation. It’s getting a little more challenging the older I get, but that inner restlessness is always there. I blame it on my growing up years when my family moved frequently. By the end of sixth grade, I had attended six different schools. That is a topic I addressed in a previous blog.

This morning, a cardinal discovered our bird feeder and was brave enough to come on our front porch. We have six-feet tall windows, and the cardinal was just inches from the base of one.

Folklore says a cardinal appearing is a sign someone you love who has passed is visiting you. Of course, I don’t believe that, but I’m thinking about it this morning. Let’s just pretend it is true. Is the cardinal my husband’s mom or dad or my mom or dad? Is it my brother?

The truth is, I don’t need a cardinal to think about my loved ones. They are ever present in my subconscious and conscious thoughts. They are in my dreams occasionally. “Dad would love Draco,” I think when petting our dog. Dad loved dogs and nature in general. He adored our dog Sable who passed away in 2010. “Mom would have loved having a smart phone so she could take all the pictures she wanted,” I remark. Mom always had the camera ready. “Doris was the best cook,” referring to my sweet mother-in-law’s creations. She really was the best cook. “Your dad could keep the straightest face while telling a story,” I might say to my husband when we’re laughing about one of the many times he told something that was not true. Like when he broke a bone from a fall while washing his car and people kept asking him about it, so he started telling them he broke it jumping out of an airplane. Or how he told people his two sons were by his first wife. Totally true because he only had one wife! The truth always came out, but it was still hilarious watching him do his thing.

As for the brother I remember, it’s the 11-year-old boy holding me when I was burning up with fever due to one of my frequent ear infections. It’s the young man I idolized, the young man he was before a tragedy changed him. I like to think that young man was always deep inside of him, and I did see glimpses of it at times. Those glimpses gave me some solace.

I don’t need the appearance of a cardinal to remind me of them, but today it did.

I’m not the type to go to the cemetery a lot and look at their graves. The reason I don’t is because I know they are not there. Their decomposing bodies are no more than an article of clothing left behind. What I do is remember them. Some memories make me laugh. Some make me cry. But the way they continue to live on this earth is in my heart.

The best way to honor our loved ones who have passed? The way that reflects your personal convictions. Frequent changes of flowers on the headstone? That’s fine. Posting memories on Facebook? That’s fine. Talking with others about them? Of course. Looking at old photos and videos? Sure.

The important thing is to remember. Not because of a cardinal who appeared in your yard or on your porch, but because if you truly loved the special people in your life, you can never forget them.

The wisdom gained with age

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

When I was growing up, I had three dreams that lasted well into adulthood: I wanted a dog (my parents wouldn’t allow me to have one), I wanted to own a ranch someday, and I wanted to be a writer.

Pretty simple, right? I didn’t have dreams of being a famous model or actress (well, I did for a short time like a lot of girls in middle school), and no doubt my dream of owning a ranch someday was totally unrealistic due to the fact my family did not own land nor did we own horses, but that didn’t change the fact that I loved the idea of it. No wonder I loved Janet Dailey’s Calder series.

In adulthood, our family has had two dogs, sweet Sable and our current dog Draco (the shelter had already given him that name and when we got him at seven months old, that’s what he responded to), and my joke is that with him I got a horse-dog because of his size. He’ll be five next month. All 70 pounds of him.

I never got the ranch, nor did I even spend time at a dude ranch at any point, something I regret. I don’t want to go now because I don’t want to chance getting hurt on a horse, but I loved the opportunities I had of riding horses belonging to friends or paying to ride at public stables.

As for the writing…well, you see how that is playing out. Not a best-selling author and not huge sales, but with the technology we have today, I am able to continue that passion. I love to write, whether fiction or non-fiction. And while I would love to make some money at it, I’m okay with just doing it because it’s something I love to do.

It’s like you sports people, those of you who grew up playing sports. Maybe you aspired to be good enough to get a scholarship to college or even to go straight from high school to a professional baseball team, but the high number of would-be professional athletes is tiny compared to the number of college athletes. Some who aspire to greatness achieve it. Others indulge in their love of sports by coaching or being passionate fans.

We all pursue what interests us.

There aren’t many perks to being “a certain age,” but one perk, in my opinion, is being able to look back on my life and realize that it’s okay to have achieved just one of those three childhood dreams–the dog thing. Have I mentioned I love dogs? And our oldest son is a dog magnet. They sense his attitude toward them.

But that ranch dream…unless I could have been wealthy enough to pay lots of hired hands, it would have been a grueling seven-days-a-week obligation. No rips to the beach. No trips anywhere. The vet bills, the reality of mucking out stalls and cleaning hooves and the ongoing expense…I’m glad that dream was never realized.

I know I’ll never be a best-selling author for many reasons, but if just a few people read what I write and enjoy it, I’m good with that. I always have story ideas spinning in my mind, so maybe one day I’ll be able to achieve some real success in that endeavor. To me, there are no negatives about writing. I love the whole process, including re-writing and editing and meeting deadlines for the publisher.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe your childhood dreams dissipated like the early morning fog as the sun comes up, and maybe you’ve found other ways to pursue your interests. And for the few who achieved their childhood dreams, I have this question: Was it what you had hoped it would be?

You may be wondering about the horse in the picture. This is the photo for my Facebook profile, and it was taken in July of 2024 when another couple and my husband and I did a quick trip to Lexington, Kentucky, where we toured a racehorse breeding farm. Claiborne Farms in Paris, Kentucky. The guided tour was about an hour long, and it was fascinating.

I fed a peppermint to two of the horses. This particular horse is worth–brace yourself–$85 million. That’s right, $85 million. The other horse? A mere $11 million. I doubt the quarter horses I planned to have on my dream ranch would have been worth anything close to that. And no matter how you feel about horse racing, you have to admit those animals are beautiful.

Wisdom gained as we age is a blessing. It helps us to appreciate what we have instead of what we don’t. It helps us to accept compromise and change. And it gives the ability to have peace and acceptance of whatever our situation may be, not to mention the joy we have in enjoying the adjusted versions of our goals and dreams.

Retirement: Living the “Boring but Blessed” Life

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

Meet my much-loved, wonderful family. I am so blessed to have each one of them, so I want to make it clear at the beginning of this blog that I am very, very grateful for all the good things in my life.

After all, in addition to my wonderful family, I live in a comfortable home, am financially comfortable with all my needs and many of my wants met, and am in excellent health. I do not take and have never taken any meds like blood pressure medicine and other medicines common to “older” adults. My blood work at my annual physical is perfect each year. I have limitless energy (well, until around 9:00 P.M.), and it is nothing for me to log a five-to-seven mile walk on any given day.

But one factor about my basic personality is magnified in my current situation of vision loss and being unable to drive.

I’m bored. A lot.

I’ve always been the type of person who needs to be doing something. Television has not been a big thing to me since I was a teen. Sure, there were shows I enjoyed, but for me to sit for hours each evening and watchTV? No. That’s like telling someone who hates to read that they must sit and read a book for three hours each evening. Torture, right?

In my adult years while I was “watching” TV, I was also doing things like grading papers, doing macramé projects, working on cross-stitch projects, doing jigsaw puzzles, sketching, and things like that. For the first ten years of our marriage, my husband worked six days a week, so I spent much of my free time doing laundry, cleaning, running errands, and things like that. I was busy, busy, busy.

Yes, I got tired. It was a treat to have an hour to relax and look at a Southern Living magazine when the boys were young. As they got older and needed my attention less, I had time to do my craft projects (oh, I forgot about the lap quilts I made), read magazines and books, and other things I enjoyed.

I took care of my parents for years. My dad had major back problems, and I did things like mow their yard or take them places. As they aged, I ended up doing things like cleaning their house, getting groceries, and other things they found it difficult to do.

You get the picture. I lived a very “busy but blessed” life.

I know many of you would disagree with me, especially if you’re still working and just longing for retirement, but retirement is okay. Not great. Just okay.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s wonderful not to have an alarm clock controlling my life. And I’m finally starting to adjust to it after having been retired for seven years. The catch is I didn’t want to retire when I did. I had to retire because of the vision stuff.

Other than the first two years or so that I taught, I always enjoyed going to work. I enjoyed being around the people. I enjoyed having a purpose each day, a goal. I loved the feeling on Friday night (the best night of the week at that time) in knowing I didn’t have to go to work the next day and the special feeling of appreciation that brought to me.

Let me reiterate: I did get tired. And I dreamed about not having more time off and more flexibility in my schedule. Yet, looking back, I did not realize how everything that was going on in my life gave me a full life, not an empty one.

You may be thinking, “But now you’ve got all the time in the world to do those craft projects! You’ve got all the time in the world to run your errands! You can do what you want to do when you want to do it!”

No, I can’t. I’m not complaining, I’m just explaining. I can’t drive anymore, so I’m restricted to online shopping or my husband taking me somewhere or running errands for us. I can’t see well enough, even using my assistive devices, to do many of the projects I used to do. And I sure can’t enjoy magazines other than the audio versions on BARD.

Oh, my, it does sound like I’m complaining, doesn’t it? Maybe I am…a little. Not that anyone can change anything about it or make it better.

I know if I lived in the same town as children and grandchildren, I wouldn’t be as bored. I know I would be even more bored if I were not involved in several civic groups and in church activities.

And I know if boredom is the worst thing I have to handle, I am more blessed than many.

The point of this blog? Or rather, the points?

  1. If you’re failing to appreciate what you have today because you are so tired and looking forward to retirement, realize it may not be what you envision. It depends upon your personality, your financial resources, and your hobbies.
  2. Do what you can to enjoy activities now while you have the physical and mental abilities to do them. There is no guarantee you will be able to do those things when you retire.
  3. Plan for your retirement by investing in a 401K or other retirement plan. You may tell yourself that you may not live until retirement so why plan for it, but believe me, you will regret it if your financial situation is very restricted. I’ve seen too many people struggle. You may want to travel or play golf or any number of things that cost money, and if you don’t have enough money to do those things, you will be sorry you didn’t plan for the future.
  4. Take care of your health. Exercise, Eat right. All the stuff you’ve heard but possibly don’t do. You want to have the health to do activities. That is, of course, unless you’re okay with being a total couch potato and stuffing your face with food and drink and not caring about feeling well. If that’s your preferred lifestyle, you will love retirement and doing nothing, but I would predict your years to enjoy that lifestyle may be shortened considerably.
  5. Do your best to be debt-free by the time you retire. I don’t agree with Dave Ramsey about everything, but he’s right about many things He has taken his own bad experience and turned it into a resource for millions. Maybe you should start listening to his podcast or reading his books.

My husband loves retirement, and I’m sure he’s in the majority of retirees, but even he realizes if not for travel and Pickleball, he would be bored many days.

I maintain this blog because it gives me something to do. I’m learning Braille for practical reasons and because it gives me something to do. I listen to audiobooks. I do knitted cap projects using a loom. I paint occasionally. I go to the wellness center. I’m in three civic groups and two bookclubs. I walk my dog regularly. I’m involved in church programs.

But I still have way more hours to fill than hours consumed by responsibilities. So my advice to those of you who may be energetic and goal-driven as I am, make a plan for retirement. Start a second career (even when dreaming of retiring from teaching, I never wanted to retire completely–I wanted to find a fun job like move to Memphis and work at Graceland or move to Nashville and work somewhere fun or even start my own publishing company).

I realize how blessed I am, don’t get me wrong. I cherish each day of my family being healthy and me being healthy because so many are struggling with serious health issues. I don’t mean to make this sound as though I’m unhappy.

I’m not. I just get bored. And if that’s the worst thing I can say about my life, I’m very blessed indeed.

Maybe you need to count your blessings as well as you begin a new year. It always helps put things into perspective. But I’d be curious to know if there are others out there who are like I am. Am I the only weirdo who doesn’t love retirement?A part-time job would be a perfect solution. I want the flex hours to be able to go help with grandchildren when needed (they live over two hours away). I want the Flex Time to go on trips. So, are there any employers interested in a part-time “blind” Spanish teacher or copy editor or content editor? If you want me to teach, I need an assistant with the vision to keep an eye on the students’ behavior since I can’t see faces or even see if there is a body more than ten feet away from me. Interested?

Hmmm…I didn’t think so. But consider the above an application. You may think I’m kidding, but I’m serious.

As I finish this blog, I’m not sure I’ll post it. I will think about it and be sure I feel comfortable with opening myself up like this. As always, I share my personal journey in the hopes of helping others cope with their own or at least put their own lives into perspective.

I guess I’ll stop now and get started on another knitted cap. Avery gave me some new yarn that will make a beautiful one. Our “Mad Hatters” group sends the majority of them to St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, and it gives me motivation to know one of the patients might benefit from and enjoy waring a cap that I made. One thing I’ve learned about my boredom issues is that if I take the focus off myself and put the focus on someone else in need, my boredom disappears. Serving others truly is the answer to many of life’s problems, even when we’re going through a valley ourselves.

Happy 2026, everyone. And read my blog about virtual travel this year. It may inspire you to do something similar!

2026: 50 states, 12 countries, and a recipe for Alabama white barbecue sauce

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

50 states and 12 countries in one year? How is that possible?

Please allow me to explain.

No, I haven’t won the lottery. And no, I haven’t inherited a fortune.

But that’s okay because what I’m doing is free.

It all began with an idea I had when thinking about the upcoming year. 2026 is one of those decade-changing birthday years, and I decided I wanted to make all of 2026 a memorable year. I texted my two best friends since age 12 and challenged them to do one new thing every month of 2026 and report to the others what we did. It doesn’t have to be complicated. It could be something as simple as trying a food I’ve never tried. But the goal is to broaden our worlds by doing just one new thing each month.

They accepted the challenge, and my brain continued to spin. Of our 50 states, I’ve only been to 25. I’ve been to three other countries–Mexico (too many times to count since I lived in the southwest corner of Arizona during my growing up years), Canada (but only Windsor and slightly north of there when I visited Detroit), and the Bahamas.

You may be thinking, “Wow, that’s a lot” or “That’s not very much,” depending upon your own experiences. To me, it’s not enough. After all, there’s a reason I majored in Spanish and minored in French, and that reason was not to teach the languages and culture. The reason was to experience the cultures and use the languages.

Fate or God or just life had other plans (maybe all three), and I ended up following a different path.

That doesn’t mean I lost my curiosity or my desire for parts unknown. Now that I’m retired, I have the time to visit more places, but once again, life has thrown me a curveball. The vision issue.

Losing all my central vision along with some peripheral vision and being able to see not very far away with what I do see being very different from what normal people see means I can’t enjoy beautiful scenery anymore. I have to have assistance with things like boarding passes and navigating airports and things like that. True, I can get that assistance from my husband or friends or employees of the airline or cruise ship or whatever, but it’s not as easy as it would be if I had normal sight.

The dilemma, then, is what to do? How can I see the states and countries that interest me?

You’ve already figured it out. YouTube. I can sit or stand one foot away from our 65-inch smart TV and see scenery that I would never be able to see in real life. I can be a virtual traveler by viewing videos and exploring those areas in other ways.

I texted my friends something along these lines: In addition to trying something new each month, I will find a video about each state and send one video link each week for us to watch. I will begin with Alabama and work through the list alphabetically until we finish with Wyoming. Also, each one of us will pick a country to “visit,” and we will view one country video a month. Because there are three of us, that means I only have to come up with four countries to visit during 2026. I will select countries I’ve never been. My first choice is Austria. Blame it on my favorite movie The Sound of Music.

And the additional challenge to the world tour? Prepare a food that is common to that country. Prepare it in an authentic manner, not the Americanized version.

You may be thinking I have way too much time on my hands to come up with such crazy ideas, and you’d be right. I have lots of time. When you can’t drive and your children and grandchildren don’t live close enough to require your services or to be dropping by all the time, you have plenty of free time.

So, why not make the most of it?

I have already sent the link to the video about Alabama, even though the new year has not arrived, and I’ve already scheduled my “something different” activity for January. I’m meeting with a personal trainer to design a workout plan for me to help me achieve my strength and fitness goals.

It also looks as though we’re going on a Disney cruise (we’ve done other cruises, not Disney) in November with my youngest son and his family and in-laws. My oldest son doesn’t know it yet, but I’m going to approach him and his wife with the idea of the four of us going to New York City or Boston and Martha’s Vineyard. They’re places I’ve never been (obviously) but have always wanted to see.

Oh, a side note (you know how I get off topic at times) concerning places I recommend you visit if you’ve never been: Sedona and the Grand Canyon in Arizona, the Outer Banks of North Carolina including Manteo, Kill Devil Hills, Duck and Currituck, Washington, D.C. (stay inAlexandria and hop on the metro, be sure to go to The Holocaust Museum but take tissue along, see all the normal tourist places, ride the trolley on King Road in Alexandria down to The Potomac River), and the Caribbean (the water is incredible). Can’t go due to limitations? Virtual visits!

Okay, back on topic. I have an idea for December that I’m not sharing with anyone yet, not even my husband, because I have no doubt I will be told I’m insane or at least unrealistic. I’ll keep you posted on that.

None of us is guaranteed tomorrow. As I write this, one of my friends through work and church is battling ALS. A classmate is battling pancreatic cancer. My niece’s long-term cancer treatment is ongoing. My cousin’s husband has been fighting cancer and going through treatments for a year. My niece’s mother, who survived ovarian cancer, has the ongoing battle with Type 1 diabetes and an auto-immune disorder. Another cousin who battled breast cancer has now been diagnosed with another cancer not related to the breast cancer. I know several people with Parkinson’s.

I could go on and on. My point? Make the most of each day. Do what you can with what you have. Can’t afford to travel the world? Travel is the way I’m doing. Have a “bucket list” activity you’ve been putting off? Find a way to do it. Don’t be foolish in throwing away your money unnecessarily or by taking unnecessary risks, but if you want to and have the means to be a “Survivor,” “Amazing Race,” “Jeopardy,” or even “Wheel of Fortune” contestant, go for it.

If you read my blog at all, you know I push the idea of helping others and remembering people who are shut-in by calling or visiting or just sending a card. I’m not promoting selfishness here. I still think the greatest joy in life comes from helping others. But every now and then, it’s fun to give yourself a treat.

If you are perfectly happy doing what you’re doing, that’s great. We’re all different, and while you and I may not be able to relate to each other because of our dreams or lack of dreams, we can respect each other’s perspective.

I plan to share recipes along the way, so here’s the one for Alabama:

Alabama White Barbecue Sauce from Serious Eats

2 cups mayonnaise

1 cup apple cider vinegar

1/2 cup apple juice

2 teaspoons prepared horse radish

2 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper

2 teaspoons freshly squeezed juice from one lemon

1 teaspoon Kosher salt

1/2 teaspoon mustard powder

1/2 teaspoon Cayenne pepper

Step 1: Whisk all ingredients together in medium bowl. Let sit for 30 minutes and serve immediately with pork, chicken, or turkey, or place in jar in refrigerator and keep for up to two weeks.

Enjoy!

A Book Club Can Be Much More than Just about Books

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

I do this a lot. I post a photo that has nothing to do with my topic of the day. I just thought this was pretty, a view of Sedona, Arizona, taken by my son when they were there this past summer. Sedona is beautiful. I highly recommend a visit.

Yesterday my small book club, consisting of six people, made our annual trip to Patti’s at Grand Rivers, Kentucky. Locals know the restaurant and area even if they’ve never been there. My lunch? Grilled chicken spinach salad with hot bacon dressing and one-half of Boatsinker’s Pie. It was very good, but really, the food wasn’t the main reason for the trip. It was the camaraderie.

We started out as a group of six, and we’ve kept the number to that. The original group consisted of three fellow teacher friends (all retired), a realtor who has lived in the same neighborhood as I do for over 30 years, and a younger mom of three whose husband was our church’s youth minister at the time. At first we rotated our meeting place each month, but that evolved into a regular spot at Blake’s (a popular local restaurant) the first Thursday of each month. Our youngest member took a full-time teaching job (we miss her, would have seven in our group if she were able to be with us!) and was replaced by the widow of our former principal at Dresden High School. We sit at the same table each month, and the staff knows us very well.

I have known all these women for over 30 years, and four of them for 40 years. If you can do math, you’re figuring out our ages, but that’s okay. I don’t mind sharing my age. Just don’t call me “sweetie” and treat me like my brain is on the level of a child. I can out-walk most of you much younger folks, I guarantee it.

Oops, there I go again, getting off-topic. If you read my blogs regularly, you know I do that a lot.

The way we do our book club is that each person has a turn choosing the book we’re going to read for the month. This is great because it forces us to read genres we might not read otherwise. There have been many times I started a book someone selected and would’ve put it down after a few chapters except for the fact I wanted to be able to participate in the discussion and honor my fellow member’s selection. And you know what? While there are definitely some books I would never read again, I found all of them interesting if not enjoyable.

I’m a strong believer in exploring new experiences and getting out of your comfort zone. I know some people just want to stick with what they know, but for me, that would be a very boring life. I am still curious about the world, and my brain is constantly thinking of ways to expand my horizons.

The books we read help to do that, but the group is so much more. Yes, we discuss the books, but we also talk about trips, grandchildren, health issues, family, and more. Yesterday the six of us rode in the same vehicle for the 72-mile trip to Patti’s, but due to the flow of conversations, the trip seemed much shorter. We had our own room (thank you, Mary Ellen), so we were not bothered by noise from other tables. We shared childhood stories, talked about some serious things, and laughed at other stories. And, oh, how we laughed. We always do, but yesterday I think we were almost giddy from all the food on the way back, and one story after another had us all laughing like school girls.

You see, being older doesn’t mean we don’t have a sense of humor. And no, alcohol was not involved. We were just being ourselves and enjoying the time together. In a way, it was like being in my twenties and thirties again. Kind of like when I’m with my high school best friends Terrie and Nancy, I’m a teen-ager again or a college student working at the local bank during breaks from college. With them, I’m not someone’s mom, someone’s teacher, someone’s wife. I’m just me. With my book club friends, it is similar, although I do have the added labels of “mom,” “teacher,” and “neighbor.”

I feel sorry for people who don’t have good friendships. I know some people are loners by. nature and have no desire to have a large circle of friends, but for me, the more the better. I love people. I may not like all people (well, I think maybe in my lifetime I can count maybe five people I dislike, and I will say that even those people I care about because they are God’s creatures just like all of us–it’s just that I’d rather not spend time with them), and I know I look at people through an innocent lens because I tend to think most people feel the same as I do about the world. I know, that’s a false assumption, but it’s just the way I think. At the age I am now, that’s not likely to change.

My life in retirement could be a fairly lonely one since I can’t drive anymore, and I’m beyond grateful for my friends and family I call my “Uber” drivers who pick me up for civic meetings, the wellness center, and other activities like a wedding or baby shower. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who is my best friend in life, but even with that blessing, I need friendships. You may be the same way. My advice to anyone who can drive and is lonely is to look for groups to join or activities to do with others. Your church, your local library, a sports group like basketball or pickle ball, a quilting group, a painting class. All of those opportunities and more are available right here in my small town of 11,000, so I know small towns have options.

It may take a while to feel as though you fit in as you meet new people, but chances are you will eventually. Just remember you can always drop out if a year or so of meetings is not to your liking.

And, if all else fails, find a few friends to start a book club.

When we were at Blakes several months ago, “Southern Living” was there to take photos and interview people. A man came to our table and told us about a book club he was once a part of in Birmingham. That club, he said, was high end because they actually traveled to the place where the book was set to discuss the book! Can you imagine? I guess they never read A Gentleman in Moscow since travel there would be undesirable, but wouldn’t it be fun to read Jaws and discuss it at Martha’s Vineyard (or a book by Elon Hildebrand set there)?

Hmm…that gives me an idea. Maybe I need to pick a J.A. Jance book set in Sedona. Rent a house for all of us to stay in for a few days. See, my brain is spinning with ideas.

Happy holidays, everyone. And happy reading!

Friendsgiving and community

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

I don’t know about you, but I’m a member of several communities. My family, of course. My town, obviously. My church family. My civic groups. At one time, I was a part of a work community but now in retired community.

And now there’s a new one.

A few months ago, a friend who lives down the road from me told me she had joined the Wellness Center and asked if I wanted to go. I was only too happy to join since I had been a member in the past and with my friend down the road going anyway, I had transportation. I was thrilled to be able to use the weight machines, treadmill, and walking track again, but the biggest surprise was how much I enjoyed the aerobics class.

Back in the day, I took Jazzercise classes and then worked out to those Jane Fonda videos at home, so participating in the aerobics class (I guess it’s a Silver Sneakers class?) was not a stretch for me. Our leader, known as LT, designs classes for all ages and ability levels, but let’s face it–all of us are “of a certain age” with some more “certain” than others. You know what I mean.

The fun of the class, though, wasn’t the only surprise. The second surprise developed rather than burst on the scene. I reconnected with people I hadn’t been around in years and met new people. I started being around former college friends, former co-workers, parents of former students, parents of children who are my children’s ages, and on and on. Soon I realized I was a part of a group unlike any I’d been a part of since college.

For the first time since college graduation, I spend a few hours each week with a group of people who are in or near my age group. Yes, I know, the eighty-somethings are not near my age, but we are all categorized as “senior citizens” whether we want to be or not. And although we come from a variety of backgrounds, we are able to have fun with each other while we work to keep ourselves as fit as we can.

LT does a great job of leading the classes, and honestly, I don’t know how she keeps from laughing at us. As we do the moves, we are definitely not in sync. Arms flying every which way, and some going left when they should be going right, and not to mention how we sometimes run into each other…I almost crack up laughing just looking at the few around me as we try to keep the pace. With her looking at approximately 40 people facing her, she’s bound to be wanting to laugh out loud.

This past Monday, members of the WC gathered for a Friendsgiving. We signed up in advance for what we’d bring (I made homemade bread, in case you’re curious), and the center closed for two hours to allow enough time to set up, eat, visit, and clean up. More than 100 people were there to enjoy the event.

You know, I think small towns get a bad rap. People complain of nothing to do, but in our town of just over 11,000, you can find plenty to do. You just need to look for it and take advantage of what’s offered. I’ll stop right there because that’s a blog for another day.

Back to my topic–ever notice how I get off-track in my blogs??–about community. I think of it as a group of people who share a common interest or circumstance. Think of sports fans, especially college sports fans. My husband has several Vols (Tennessee Volunteers, in case you don’t know what “Vols” means) caps and shirts, and he wears them wherever we go. If we are out of state, I guarantee he’s going to hear at least one person say, “Go, Vols!” Vols fans are a community, even if they don’t know each other by name.

Our common interest at the Wellness Center is to stay (or get) strong and fit. We don’t have to be best friends or share our feelings or any of that. But we can chit-chat, share recipes, talk about great books we’ve read or movies we’ve seen, and even our families. It doesn’t have to go beyond that to be a community, and honestly, I still don’t know everyone in the class. But I’m learning.

One Friday afternoon, I asked my husband to drop me off so I could use the weights and walk on the treadmill since it was too messy to walk outside. I was amazed at the emptiness of the gym. Two other people were there. I did my routine, but I didn’t enjoy it. It was boring not having people go by and greet me or ask me about something. It was boring not hearing the music played during the exercise classes. I didn’t like it.

Yes, I’m a sociable person. I love being a part of multiple communities. And when I can exercise and have fun doing it, I’m in a win-win situation.

If Glenda had not asked me if I were interested in going to the center, I never would’ve known about the classes and likely would not have tried them on my own even if I did. I might have joined the center but would have been limited to going in the afternoons most days since my husband is involved in the mornings with his own community–a bunch of Pickleball players who play three mornings a week–and I would have to rely on him for transportation.

I hope you’re a part of at least one community outside of your family or work. Don’t forget that it takes time to feel a part of a group, but in time, you likely will.

So, in this season of gratitude, I’m adding involvement in communities to my list of reasons to be thankful. My faith that sustains me, my family, my home, food to eat, clothes to wear, friends, electricity, running water…my list of things I’m thankful for is too long to share.

It is my hope yours is too. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

The importance of quiet time in my life

by Pam Harris, "blind" writer

That red glow is not from a forest fire. My son took this photo of the Northern Lights last night. He was not in Iceland or Alaska or any of those places we think of when we hear about the beautiful phenomenon. He was at home, right here in Tennessee.

Every once in a long while they’re visible, and I don’t profess to understand any of the science behind why we can see them so far south, but I am awed by them.

Here’s the catch. I can’t see them in real life because of vision loss. So my son took the picture and sent it to me, knowing I could see the beauty of this event on my large-screen iPad or on my 47 inch TV screen connected to my laptop. It doesn’t matter I can’t see them like he can. Just seeing the photo and knowing they were visible in our area is enough to impress. And maybe my friends who ave no sight can enjoy the sight by hearing a description of the photo.

Photo description: A black sky with a red glow behind tall trees. The trees form a line on each side of the photo with an open area in the middle that extends to the ground. The ground, to me, looks completely black. Small lights are visible in the openings between the branch of the trees.

“Here she goes again,” you may be thinking.”Can she never avoid mentioning something about her vision loss?”

Sure I can. And I’ve tried to avoid mentioning it, but since I am fortunate enough that the biggest hurdle I’ve had to jump in life is the vision loss issue, it is my point of reference. I haven’t struggled (yet) with a major health issue. I have been blessed with a wonderful family and friends. So when I think of the biggest challenge in my life, that’s mine. Yours is something else.

I’m bird walking. Teachers know what that term means. Back to the point I am trying to make.

He took photos of the night sky in Sedona this past June, and I have saved them to my gallery. When I was growing up in Arizona, we sometimes went out on the desert at night. There, away from city lights and without the humidity we have in our area, the stars were amazing. Now the lights of the town and the humidity and cloud cover we often have in addition to my vision issues make that experience a thing of the past. On a clear night, I might be able to see one or two stars that are very bright (probably Venus and Mars, right?), but at least I can see the star-filled sky in the photos. Beautiful.

There is something about the sky that is awe-inspiring to me. I look up at it often in the daytime. Sky blue is my favorite color, and the colors of the sunset…well, I just love the sky. Just looking at it brings me a sense of calm and wonder and appreciation. It quiets my soul.

My point? I think we humans often focus on the negatives instead of the positives. It’s human nature, I think, but I do believe it’s worse than it used to be. Blame social media or what’s going on in the world or the higher population (in 1960, the population of the U.S. was 181 million, today it’s 347 million), but it’s worse. We are bombarded with conflicting opinions, hate speech, too many activities to fill our time, and other things that harm our emotional well-being.

My solution? I watch the national nightly news maybe once a week. I watch the local news more often because their stories concern our area. I don’t scroll my phone. True, it’s mainly due to the vision loss because I have to use Voice Over which is not perfect and often annoying), but I check notifications on Facebook each day (usually), post a few times a week as the mood strikes, and live my life in my community as best I can. I stay informed, but I don’t obsess.

And I have quiet time. I sit on my front porch when the weather allows with no noise except for the sounds of nature and the wind chimes when the breeze is strong enough. If the weather is too cold, I find a spot indoors just to be. Just to be by myself with my own thoughts. I pray during those times. I reflect. But for at least fifteen minutes, I have quiet.

Yesterday my husband and I went to a town an hour away to do some shopping since he has no luck with online shopping for clothes and needs to try them on and our town is limited in its offerings. While there in the men’s department, I was touching all the clothes to feel the fabric and discovered some pajama pants that were so soft and warm, I just had to have a pair. Yes, they were in the men’s department, but I purchased a small, and though they’re a little long even for my five foot seven and a half inch self, they are wonderful. Last night, I put them on and commented more than once, “I just love these pajama pants. I wish I had bought more!” Just wearing them soothes me and makes everything feel cozy.

Photos (or descriptions) of the night sky, looking at the daytime sky, feeling the warmth of a comfortable pair of pajama pants, quiet time…the small joys of life.

I still fall victim to the negative mentality at times. I wish I didn’t, but occasionally I slip into that pit of wishing my life were perfect according to the way I see perfect.

Then I go on YouTube and watch the young man paralyzed from the chest down because of a dirt-bike accident and how he navigates life or talk to a VIP friend who has worse vision than I do or no vision at all, and it brings me back to the mindset of being grateful for what I have instead of being bothered by what I don’t.

I guess I sound like someone being preachy or being a counselor, for which I’m not qualified, but that’s not my intent. My intent is to share my own journey and thoughts in the hope it will help just one person who is navigating a difficult path. And I’m writing this because it serves as a reminder to me to practice what I preach. Hey, I guess I am being preachy!

When I was working, I often said working was what kept me sane. The busyness of life kept me from focusing on the worries and disappointments that life throws our way. As a teacher and principal, I was too occupied with school duties to think about my personal situation. Long days that extended into night activities like ballgames made me too exhausted to worry when I got home. Keeping busy really is a good thing in many ways, but I still carved out my quiet time. It was fifteen minutes each morning, before my family woke up, and those fifteen minutes calmed my spirit before beginning yet another hectic day.

There’s a song we sing at our worship services based on a Bible passage whose lyrics include, “Be still and know I am God.” There is a great deal of wisdom in that simple statement.

Be still.

And if your life is not a busy one and you have too much still time, be busy. Oh, my, that’s a blog for another day!

Chances are if you’ve made it this far reading my blog, you are doing so simply because you know me personally or because you can relate. People who don’t relate likely stopped reading after the second paragraph if they even made it that far. And that’s okay.

The holiday season brings joy to some and sorrow to others due to many causes. If you are someone who struggles during this time of year, I hope you can find joy in the little things of life if circumstances have robbed you of the big things. I hope if you’re lonely that you will reach out to someone else who may be lonely so you can help each other. I hope you can know peace.

Best wishes to all, and thank you for reading and/or following my blog. I am grateful for you!