40 years and counting

This photo was taken last August at a relative’s wedding. On March 14, my husband and I will celebrate our fortieth anniversary, and I’m remembering some things about that.

Our wedding was simple, much simpler than the weddings of today. It was overshadowed by the fact my husband’s grandfather was in a hospital with terminal cancer. We suggested changing the date when we learned about his illness, but he didn’t want us to do that. He died two days after the wedding, almost as though he was holding on until we were married. My husband’s poor grandmother, mother, and other family members had to go through what should have been a joyous occasion while their hearts were heavy with the impending loss of Pawpaw. My husband, too, for that matter. Looking back, I wish we had re-scheduled, but who knew?

Our photographer didn’t show up when she was supposed to. I called her, and she said she was having trouble with her equipment. She rushed over from a nearby town, but none of our indoor pictures turned out well, every one of them dark, We ended up with proofs instead of photos, with the exception of two or three pictures. No video to commemorate and relive the event, but back then the video concept was fairly new.

But none of that matters now. The memories of that day have faded with time, but that’s really not important. What’s important is the life we’ve built together.

I have never been the type to be public about the people I love. For whatever reason, it makes me uncomfortable and makes me feel as though I’m sharing something that shouldn’t be shared. But as I contemplate our anniversary and the events of the past several years, I decided it was time to honor, in a public way, my husband. It may embarrass him, but I think he deserves to be recognized. So this blog is my present to him, my way of showing him how much I appreciate his love and support through the good and the bad.

Perhaps the best way to explain what I am talking about is to list some of his qualities that make him my best friend as well as my partner in life.

1. He’s a great communicator. Many men aren’t, but we can always talk things out. We have had very few “fights” over the years.
2. He treats me like a queen. He compliments me even when I don’t deserve to be complimented and praises me for my feeble attempt at writing, art, and other activities. However, a disclaimer: he was very happy when I finally threw away my pink, fuzzy robe. However, he has never (as one of my boyfriends did) tell me I was getting fat!
3. He is considerate of my interests. Another disclaimer: that wasn’t the case early in our marriage on either side, but we have evolved!
4. He has supported me in every career change I’ve made and didn’t consider himself to be “babysitting” when I had to attend night classes while working on my master’s degree.
5. When I was working, he helped around the house. Every Saturday, we double-teamed it. The only thing he didn’t do was cook, but he is now learning to do that. Once again, he’s evolving. So am I.
6. He has had to deal with high-maintenance in-laws. Health issues and other things. I won’t elaborate, but let’s just say that we’ve had some challenging times in that arena, but we continue to work through them.
7. He is super-empathetic to my handicap. He knows me and how it grieves me to be unable to do so many things. He understands how it breaks my heart to lose my independence. He lets me cry it out and talk it out whenever I want. I’m getting better, but it was tough during the initial adjustment period.

There are other reasons, but these are the ones that stand out to me the most. He is not a perfect person, just as I am not a perfect person, but we accept each other’s imperfections and continue to support and care for each other. I am not trying to paint a rosy picture that looks like a Hallmark movie. What I am trying to show is how we have grown in the forty years we’ve been married and how much I appreciate him for the man that he is.

Not everyone is as fortunate as I am, but maybe I should point out that it has not always been smooth sailing. The early years were bumpy at times, but as the years have marched on, we have created our own dynamic, our own rhythm of life. And it works for us.

For those of you who are blessed with a spouse who “completes you,” congratulations. For those of you who have known the heartbreak of divorce or loss of a loving spouse due to death, please know I am not trying to make you feel bad.

I am simply wanting to give my husband a gift for our anniversary. A gift of public acknowledgement and praise for the husband and father he is and the grandfather he is about to be.

I just hope this doesn’t embarrass him…oh, well, this blog will end this summer anyway!