It’s now available! A short book, only 20,000 words, available as an ebook or paperback. $2.99 for the Kindle ebook and $5.99 for the paperback (large print). Audiobook is in the works.
When I lost all central vision in my one remaining “good” eye four years ago, I didn’t know where to turn or what to do. My life was impacted in a negative way, and I needed to find ways to do normal things. My husband and I researched and sought help, and the knowledge I’ve accumulated in the process needed to be shared.
From an explanation of what blindness is and isn’t to strategies for doing things around the home, using assistive technologies, using smart devices, participating in support groups, online resources and YouTube channels, and more–this short book has information designed to help others find their way in a partially sighted or even totally dark world.
It is also for family members and friends of those dealing with vision loss as I explain the emotional struggles, explain how we function, and list resources to help.
If you know anyone dealing with macular degeneration, glaucoma, cornea problems, diabetic retinopathy, or any other eye condition, this could be the book they need to get them on the path to living as normal a life as possible.
Ah, retirement. It’s what we dream about when we’re burned out with our jobs or feeling stuck or exhausted from the hectic pace of life. We envision how wonderful life will be when we are not controlled by the clock or obligations. The freedom to travel, to sleep late, to do what we want to do when we want to do it. What could be better?
That was how I felt when the above picture was taken at The Outer Banks of North Carolina in 2018. I had retired a week earlier, but the reality of my new situation had not yet sunk in. As a teacher, I was used to summers off, so I knew I wouldn’t realize I was retired until school started back in August.
It was a wonderful feeling to be sitting out by our pool on the first day of school. I thought of my teacher friends and how that first day was affecting them. I remembered my own experiences and was glad those days were over for me. I had signed up to be a substitute at the school where I taught, a perfect set-up for me. I could sub if and when I wanted. I had the freedom to choose.
But the newness of retirement wore off. True, I had freedom, but almost all my friends were still working, so I had no one to do things with. My husband was still working, and he was too tired at night to go anywhere, so life became a routine of…boredom. My vision loss soon declined to the point I could no longer sub, which made it worse, but even if I’d had the vision to keep substituting, I think I would have felt the same.
I know plenty of people who love retirement, and maybe I would also if I could drive and go and do things on my own. Yet I know my personality. I’m high energy, very sociable, and goal-driven.
Six years have passed, and my feelings about retirement haven’t changed. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t miss the 5:30 A.M. alarm, the rushing to get ready, the days so full I’m exhausted at night. I enjoy taking my time to drink coffee, listen to a podcast, listen to a devotional, and get my inner self strengthened before beginning my day. I’m in two book clubs, three civic clubs, and the president of our local retired teachers association. I volunteer for activities at our church.
But there are still many hours to fill each week. TV, especially daytime TV, gets boring. Audiobooks are great–for a while. My hobbies–sketching, acrylic painting, doing crosswords with the use of a assistive technology, playing solitaire with cards for the visually impaired, cooking–sound like a lot, but even those things can get to be more of a chore than a pleasure because I can do them whenever I’d like.
When you retire, you lose something. You no longer have the weekends to look forward to, so every day blends into the next. You miss out on what’s going on in your community because you are not around people on a regular basis. If the weather is bad and you’re stuck at home…well, it gets boring.
My advice to anyone contemplating retirement is to know your personality. If you’re ambitious, goal-driven, and all those qualities I’ve described about myself, you might want to ease into it. See if your employer will allow you to work part-time (ideal for me, if I could) or retire from this job and find a fun part-time job. I used to dream of moving away from our town and living in a city so I could work somewhere fun. Something simple like being a docent in a museum or selling tickets at a place like Graceland or the Country Music Hall of Fame or relocating to the Smoky Mountains and working in one of the many tourist attractions there.
But family relationships and other circumstances prevent those “fun” jobs, so that is why I’m writing again. I’d prefer to have an office to go to where other people are working to do my writing. An ideal work schedule for me would be 9:00 to 3:00 three days a week. Anyone know of a job like that for a legally blind gal? Ha ha!
Like I said, these are just my thoughts. There are plenty of people who love, love, love retirement. Maybe I would if not for my vision issues.
I often say I’m an odd duck. I don’t love chocolate, pizza, or hamburgers. I prefer salads and fruit and yogurt and vegetables. I force myself to eat fish and chicken because of the protein. I enjoy walking several miles most days of the week. Yes, that’s right, I ENJOY walking. I enjoy exercise videos and swimming and would love to roller skate if not for my age and would definitely love to ride horses again.
So if you’re an odd duck like me, you might want to rethink your retirement plants. Just food for thought!
Several years ago, I wrote a novella entitled “Surf Song,” which is part of this collection. When the publisher gave us the guidelines, she simply said a Christian romance set at a beach.
I’ve spent time on lots of beaches. California (San Diego and Malibu), Mexico (Cozumel), the Gulf of Mexico (Alabama and the panhandle of Florida), Charleston, Wilmington (North Carolina), and my favorite, The Outer Banks of North Carolina. The setting for my book was a no-brainer. It had to be The Outer Banks.
Our first and only visit to The Outer Banks was in 2018, and to be honest, our expectations were low. It turned out to be the best beach vacation we’d ever had. Why? Because our idea of fun at the beach is not sitting on the beach all day. We spent time at the beach but also visited a lighthouse, visited the site of the Wright brothers first flight, toured the Lost Colony site and went on a full-size replica of one of the ships, went on a dolphin cruise, and played miniature golf on a rare all-grass with no gimmicks golf course. No crowds on the beach. No condos marring the views. It was perfect. Manteo, Southern Shores, Duck, Corolla…we loved the area.
For the novella, I created a fictitious inn called “Surf Song.” The main character, Holly, was thrown into sudden fame as a teen-ager when she won a singing contest. With her older sister serving as her manager and the two of them dealing with their widowed father’s excessive drinking, the three moved to Nashville because of her singing career. Now in her late twenties, she wants to escape the life she has been living, no longer desiring the fame she once craved. A songwriter at heart, she drives to The Outer Banks to stay in a small inn. Coloring her hair and cutting it short is her only disguise, and for a time she is secure in her anonymity.
She couldn’t foresee her attraction to the inn’s owner or how the time away from Nashville would affect her.
If you’re intrigued, you would also enjoy the other three novellas set in beach communities along the Atlantic. Clean, light reads with happy endings. A great way to start the beach season. Available on Amazon as an ebook and a paperback!
Today is our 43rd wedding anniversary, and unfortunately I have no good quality picture to share of our wedding day. The photographer’s equipment messed up, and the lighting was so poor in all the photos, I have very few pictures. Our wedding was simple, an afternoon wedding in the then common style of a short wedding and a simple reception, not a meal followed by music and dancing as it is now. But close friends and family attended to celebrate, however modestly, our special day, and here we are, 43 years later, still together and closer than we were when we began our journey.
So what is the secret to a good marriage? Before I tell you what it is, let me first share what it is not, although other long-time married couples might disagree with me.
It is not what we see in most movies.
It is not what people read in most romance novels.
It is not about each partner being the perfect mate.
There are elements of all of those things in a good marriage, but the secret, in my opinion, is commitment. By both parties.
Even the best marriages have their rocky moments. Your feelings for each other, especially in the early years, may wane at times or even become overshadowed by the demands of everyday life: jobs, children, obligations, extended family. You may feel you are doing all the giving in the relationship and your mate is doing all the taking. But if you’re both committed to the relationship, you can work through those issues and be stronger as a couple as a result.
I’m not an expert nor a counselor, and I believe each couple has its own dynamic. They have to figure out what works for them. My husband’s parents, for example, were (in my opinion) too dependent on each other, but that was their dynamic and was what made them happy. My parents were married 67 years by the time my father passed away, and to be honest, my mom was the nagging sort of wife. My dad handled it, always loved her (as she did him, in her own way), and while I would never hold them up as an example of how marriage ought to be, I have no doubt they loved each other and were committed to their relationship.
Barry and I have our own dynamic, and it is what works best for us. I avoid being like my mother. He respects my need for independence and doesn’t feel I have violated some sort of marriage code if I go spend a weekend with my friends as I’ve done with co-workers and former classmates. He doesn’t mind if I don’t sit in the living room with him while he watches his many sports programs. He lets me be me, and I let him be him.
It’s what works for us.
I realize there are some situations such as infidelity, abuse, an overbearing or verbally cruel spouse, and substance abuse that can and do destroy a marriage. I’m not trying to say that one person’s commitment can overcome the lack of commitment by the other partner. My heart goes out to those who have tried to keep their marriage healthy and strong but their partner was unwilling to be a part of that effort.
It takes commitment by both.
Sorry if I got preachy. It was not my intent. Our marriage is not perfect (no one’s is), but it has gotten better with each year. I am fortunate to have a husband who has been my cheerleader, my helper, my best friend in life.
Two things I’ve loved to do since I was a child…well, actually three. Read, write stories, and draw. I sketched constantly and continued to do so for years. When I became legally blind (I have no central vision in either eye and see 20/400 with my peripheral), I stopped sketching. I didn’t think I could do it.
But as I have adapted to my new normal, I’ve learned to use aids to help me do what I love, so I began to sketch using nothing more than my peripheral vision and a very bright light shining directly on the sketch pad. The result was this sketch of a horse.
I’m just a hobby artist. I will never make money from my drawings or paintings, so that is not the purpose of this post. The purpose is to encourage you, my readers, to find ways to do what you love. Sure, there may be some things you can’t do no matter what your mindset, but you may be able to do more than you believe you can.
This morning I listened to a podcast by Max Lucado called “Encouraging Word.” He spoke about looking back at your childhood to discover what your passions are now. What your strengths were then may be your strengths now. We are unique individuals who bring multiple gifts and talents to the world if we choose to use them.
What interest, talent, or gift are you ignoring? Do you feel as though something is missing from your life because you are not using it?
I allowed a defeatist attitude overtake me. That attitude is gone, and I’m now focused on doing what I can while I can. Life is too short to waste time and talent. If you’re doing that, stop.
Life has taught me some difficult lessons, and it’s still teaching me. I’m sharing what I’ve learned in the hopes it will help you in case you are doing what I did, giving up.
As a hobby artist, meaning very amateur, who has always loved to sketch, color, and paint, my vision loss makes doing those things more challenging than in the past, but by using a wearable headset (IrisVision Live) and using extra lighting, I am able to indulge in my passion. I do get frustrated at times because I can’t do things as well as in the past and I don’t always like the finished product, but most of the time it’s enjoyable.
I did this acrylic painting based upon a photo sent to me by a friend while she was in Florida.
Living with vision loss is not the hopeless condition people might have believed it to be before the age of technology. We VIP’s (visually impaired persons) have a wealth of options to help us live full lives in which we can help others, indulge in our passions, and interact with others like we’ve always done. As I type this, I’m wearing IrisVision Live and using a setting that is magnifying the screen seven times larger plus typing in the XL font. I suspect I could speak these words as I do on my phone if I wanted, but I’m an experienced typist, so typing is no problem.
People with hearing loss who create music (think Beethoven), with loss of physical abilities who play basketball in wheelchairs, people completely blind who skateboard, run, swim, even paint…the human spirit is amazing!
After falling into depths of depression because of my vision loss and giving up writing in any form, I have managed to pull myself out of the canyon of self-pity and despair to connect once again with what I most love to do.
Write.
Write anything. Fiction, non-fiction, blog, essays, you name it. I love to write.
My curiosity about the world and other people prompt me to think others are as interested in those things as I am, and this blog is so random in topics, I’m not likely to attract a huge following. I considered creating a new site with a specific target audience, but I decided I would keep things the way they are. I’m going to write about what interests me, about things in my life, and about the world in which I live.
What does that mean exactly?
It means I’ll write about living life as a legally blind person. I’ll write about interesting people and places. I’ll write about observations. I’ll write about activities.
You know, random stuff. And maybe I’ll entertain, inspire, and inform along the way.
You may be wondering about how I’m writing this as a legally blind person, but I have some functional vision that allows me to use assistive technology to work on the computer. I’ve learned a great deal in the past two years, and I like to think I’m wiser. Older, for sure, but hopefully wiser as well.
If you’re reading my blog for the first time, I invite you to scroll through my previous posts to see if there are any topics of interest to you. I invite you to comment and share your own thoughts and ideas. Most of all, I invite you to be a part of my life as I know it.
I’ll have an announcement soon about a writing project, but until my next blog post, thank you for stopping by!
This photo was taken last August at a relative’s wedding. On March 14, my husband and I will celebrate our fortieth anniversary, and I’m remembering some things about that.
Our wedding was simple, much simpler than the weddings of today. It was overshadowed by the fact my husband’s grandfather was in a hospital with terminal cancer. We suggested changing the date when we learned about his illness, but he didn’t want us to do that. He died two days after the wedding, almost as though he was holding on until we were married. My husband’s poor grandmother, mother, and other family members had to go through what should have been a joyous occasion while their hearts were heavy with the impending loss of Pawpaw. My husband, too, for that matter. Looking back, I wish we had re-scheduled, but who knew?
Our photographer didn’t show up when she was supposed to. I called her, and she said she was having trouble with her equipment. She rushed over from a nearby town, but none of our indoor pictures turned out well, every one of them dark, We ended up with proofs instead of photos, with the exception of two or three pictures. No video to commemorate and relive the event, but back then the video concept was fairly new.
But none of that matters now. The memories of that day have faded with time, but that’s really not important. What’s important is the life we’ve built together.
I have never been the type to be public about the people I love. For whatever reason, it makes me uncomfortable and makes me feel as though I’m sharing something that shouldn’t be shared. But as I contemplate our anniversary and the events of the past several years, I decided it was time to honor, in a public way, my husband. It may embarrass him, but I think he deserves to be recognized. So this blog is my present to him, my way of showing him how much I appreciate his love and support through the good and the bad.
Perhaps the best way to explain what I am talking about is to list some of his qualities that make him my best friend as well as my partner in life.
He’s a great communicator. Many men aren’t, but we can always talk things out. We have had very few “fights” over the years.
He treats me like a queen. He compliments me even when I don’t deserve to be complimented and praises me for my feeble attempt at writing, art, and other activities. However, a disclaimer: he was very happy when I finally threw away my pink, fuzzy robe. However, he has never (as one of my boyfriends did) tell me I was getting fat!
He is considerate of my interests. Another disclaimer: that wasn’t the case early in our marriage on either side, but we have evolved!
He has supported me in every career change I’ve made and didn’t consider himself to be “babysitting” when I had to attend night classes while working on my master’s degree.
When I was working, he helped around the house. Every Saturday, we double-teamed it. The only thing he didn’t do was cook, but he is now learning to do that. Once again, he’s evolving. So am I.
He has had to deal with high-maintenance in-laws. Health issues and other things. I won’t elaborate, but let’s just say that we’ve had some challenging times in that arena, but we continue to work through them.
He is super-empathetic to my handicap. He knows me and how it grieves me to be unable to do so many things. He understands how it breaks my heart to lose my independence. He lets me cry it out and talk it out whenever I want. I’m getting better, but it was tough during the initial adjustment period.
There are other reasons, but these are the ones that stand out to me the most. He is not a perfect person, just as I am not a perfect person, but we accept each other’s imperfections and continue to support and care for each other. I am not trying to paint a rosy picture that looks like a Hallmark movie. What I am trying to show is how we have grown in the forty years we’ve been married and how much I appreciate him for the man that he is.
Not everyone is as fortunate as I am, but maybe I should point out that it has not always been smooth sailing. The early years were bumpy at times, but as the years have marched on, we have created our own dynamic, our own rhythm of life. And it works for us.
For those of you who are blessed with a spouse who “completes you,” congratulations. For those of you who have known the heartbreak of divorce or loss of a loving spouse due to death, please know I am not trying to make you feel bad.
I am simply wanting to give my husband a gift for our anniversary. A gift of public acknowledgement and praise for the husband and father he is and the grandfather he is about to be.
I just hope this doesn’t embarrass him…oh, well, this blog will end this summer anyway!
I haven’t blogged in a while, and I am blogging now to let you know I’m going to stop. As a matter of fact, I’ve already notified WordPress not to renew my subscription when it comes due this summer. That means, if I have interviewed you and you want to keep a copy, you may want to print it before the subscription expires as I’m sure it will say at that point that the site is no longer available.
Why am I no longer going to blog? There are several reasons, but the primary reason is my vision. As it continues to deteriorate (will it ever stop?) and seeing becomes more and more difficult, I’ve decided not to do things if they bring me little or no joy. Don’t get me wrong. I will always do the right thing and do things for others (that brings me joy) and do what I have to do, but if doing something as simple as a blog leaves me exhausted and frustrated, why do it, right?
I’m not a quitter. It’s just that I have to find other avenues to express myself and help others.
I am toying with the idea of a YouTube Channel with a focus for the legally blind, as that is what I am. There are about one million blind/legally blind people in the United States. That umber will continue to grow as people age and develop conditions like macular degeneration, diabetic retinopathy, and others. In my quest for knowledge and emotional support, I have discovered a channel called The Blind Life, which has helpful tips, technology information, and insights.
Part of the frustration with this my condition is the lack of information you receive from your doctor. “How bad will it get?” I asked him when the atrophy first started in 2018 (I’d already been getting regular eye injections in my better eye for eight years and had been legally blind in the other eye for 29 years). His response? “No one knows. Everyone is different.”
But I researched. And I found out that people with my condition are typically legally blind within ten years of onset. Why didn’t he tell me that? I wouldn’t have put off those trips I wanted to go on in retirement. New York City. The Rockies. A Western driving adventure through the Dakotas, Wyoming, and Montana. Another cruise, this time to the Virgin Islands. I wouldn’t have spent time editing other people’s books. I would have written my own instead (but I thought I’d have my own publishing company after teacher retirement.) I would have done more of the arts and crafts I loved because I can’t do them anymore.
I had to find for myself and with the help of my husband things like measuring cups and spoons for the visually impaired, a magnifying device that exceeds the abilities of the Walmart variety, and IrisVision, the headset/phone system that looks like a virtual reality headset to help me read (although I can’t actually read, just a few words) and watch television from a normal distance. I had to figure o9ut for myself to buy an adaptor for my laptop that could be connected to an HDMI cord of a not-in-use 47 inch television so I can use the computer (and sometimes have to wear IrisVision with that.)
Why did the clinic not give me that information? I don’t know.
But that’s what my channel will be about. I will share what I’ve learned and what I continue to learn. I will allow people to share their feelings in the comment section because even legally blind people can use speech to text and have web pages read to them by their computer (something else I had to learn about from a friend who is battling macular degeneration bu not yet legally blind in both eyes). I want the channel to be encouraging but also empathetic.
I hope to get the channel up and running in the next month or so, and I will blog about it at that time. I may blog about supporting caregivers of those who are handicapped as the caregivers are often overlooked. They have emotional burdens, and people forget about them. I may blog about a book or two coming out soon (because I can only stand to work on the computer for about an hour at a time, writing is a very slow process).
One of my sons cautioned me about letting my disability define me. I guess he’s right, but at the same time, I’m not giving in to it. I’m just trying to figure out what I can do to help myself, help others, and keep my life moving in a good direction.
I think the YouTube channel will help me accomplish those goals. The audience will be those who are in the same boat I am or caregivers for them. It will be focused, not random.
Many thanks to those of you who have followed my blog or read it when I’ve shared it on social media. I appreciate those of you who have allowed me to interview you, those of you who have commented on what I had to say, and those of you who shared my posts with others.
Now I’d better get busy figuring out how to do this YouTube Channel thing. At my age nothing with technology is easy!
If you’ve ever moved from one town to another, it is likely you feel nostalgic at times about the place you left behind. Of course, if you disliked that place, you block it out of your mind or think of it more as “thank goodness I do’t live there!” We moved to Arizona when I was three and moved to Middle Tennessee at the end of my sixth grade year. I missed Arizona and my friends a great deal, but I adjusted and built a good life in my new town. My parents moved away from there after I graduated from college, and with the town being 230 miles away, I haven’t gone back very often because there was no reason to do so.
However, (and this is where those of you who have moved around a bit might relate) I had the urge to go back and travel the roads I used to travel, see my old schools (well, school, because two are gone now), see the two houses we lived in, and so forth. My thoughtful husband knew I was having those thoughts and suggested we go visit. Not go visit someone. Just go visit the place.
So off we went on a beautiful fall day. Two hundred thirty miles later (interrupted only by the obligatory stop at Cracker Barrel), we arrived at our destination. First stop was the newspaper where my father was production manager for ten years. The good folks there allowed us to come in and look around. Wow, what a difference 41 years make! The newspaper industry has changed completely. The large back room that once housed a darkroom, layout tables, machines, and a huge printing press is now full of huge rolls of paper and the printing press. My dad’s office space was still there, and it looks as though maybe the same furniture sits in it, but I was a little misty-eyed remembering him in that spot. He passed away in 2012, but his presence in the place he loved to work was still strong. He worked with the architect who designed the building, so the place was his pride and joy.
We spent about two hours or so driving around and walking the once-familiar streets, and when we left, I was appreciative of the opportunity to go there and sad at the same time.
So much had changed. The old stores were gone, replaced by stores selling cheap items or even left empty. The nice neighborhoods of the 19i60s and 1970s are now older, and while still nice, they look…older. My former church has an addition to it as well as an extra building at the back. My high school, now a middle school, boasted a chain link fence to keep out unwelcome visitors. Signs of the times.
In a nutshell, my former home didn’t feel like home anymore. It wasn’t just because of the changes I saw. It’s because the people, or majority of them, that make my memories so special, are no longer there. Most of my close friends from high school have moved elsewhere, and my friends who do remain in the town have moved on with their lives, just as I have done.
I will confess I used to think I’d like to go back there in retirement. Nothing against my current town, but for personal reasons, I have never been as contented as I would have liked to have been living here. The town is wonderful, full of wonderful people, but for personal reasons I would never make public, it is not the town I wanted to live the rest of my life in. You may feel the same about where you live, and what gets you through the present time is the dream of where you can live when you retire.
After our trip, I realized going back to Middle Tennessee is not a good idea. Too much has changed. Plus, it’s too far from my children. Not extremely far, but it’s too far for easy weekend visits like we have now. There is no reason to relocate in an attempt to recapture the feelings of my youth. No doubt the reality of those years was not as smooth as my faded memories, and no doubt living there once again would be completely different than it was then.
One of my mother’s favorite sayings is “Time changes everything and everybody.” Very true. But every now and then, it’s fun to step back in time and have your heartstrings tugged by the memories of the people and experiences that once filled your life, the people and experiences that made you who you are today.
Those of you who have always lived in the same town, or even those of you who moved so frequently you didn’t have time to plant roots anywhere, can’t relate to what I’m talking about. But to those of you who understand because you’ve been there, I hope you have the opportunity someday to do as I did, to travel the old paths and reconnect with the person you once were. The experience itself will be bittersweet, but it will be worth it.
Life As I know it 