“I’ll be alone during the holidays,” he said. “The holidays don’t mean much to me.”
I wasn’t shocked to hear him say this. I know there are many who find the holidays a time of sorrow instead of joy. They look around and see others who seem to have family and friends, and they are overwhelmed by sadness because they feel they don’t have the same.
Understandable. But, as Paul Harvey used to say, what about the rest of the story?
“Why won’t you be spending time with your family?” I wanted to ask. “Why are you estranged from them?” But I didn’t, even though I know there are often two sides to the story. Maybe it’s his fault. Maybe it is his son’s or daughter’s. Maybe it’s both.
Instead I said, “If they won’t ask you over, why don’t you ask them over? Can you cook a meal or order something?”
“I don’t have a dining table,” he said. “I eat in the living room on a TV tray.”
Oh. He went on. “They invited me over for Thanksgiving, but they all got up and left the table while I was still eating.”
Ouch. Rude.
I started to say, “Why don’t you ask some friends over to celebrate?” Then I remembered. No dining table.
So I got to thinking. Families are fractured these days, but I have no delusions that families in the past were always happy and things were wonderful. I’ve heard enough stories from my parents over the years, although I do think as they aged, their glasses became a little more rose-tinted. Yet I know some families are more cohesive than others. More unified. More in harmony.
They argue at times, sure. Maybe even some hurt feelings from time to time. But they stick together. They endure. They try to make things work.
Think about all the things that destroy the ideal family. Divorce. Selfishness. Unwillingness to communicate. Addictions. Short tempers. Being inflexible, unwilling to change.
During the holidays, however, maybe we should put those things aside, “we” being our culture. Get along, at least for a few hours. Keep hot topics out of the conversation. Focus on the food and the fellowship, not the fault-finding. Forgive past hurts, for your own sake, without opening the door of your heart to fresh ones.
We all have to live with the consequences of our choices. Unfortunately, our families do too. But maybe, during the holidays, we can stop punishing the ones who have hurt us and be the bigger person. Spread joy instead of taking it away. Giving kindness instead of ill will. Showing mercy and grace instead of judgment. Just for a while.
And for those of us who do not have the struggles this man and his family face, maybe we can reach out to the lonely and the alone by inviting them into our homes for food and fellowship with friends. Maybe our families can be more inclusive and less exclusive.
Food for thought. If you read my blogs regularly, you know I tend to think about things that many people may not think about. Weird, I know, but maybe some of you readers are like me and will appreciate the sentiments I’ve shared today.
May this holiday season bring you joy, not pain, and may you spread that joy to others. Happy holidays, everyone.
Life As I know it 