What obstacle are you working to overcome?

This morning, on my Facebook author page (Pam Harris, author), I asked the question: What is the biggest obstacle you have faced? I went on to ask: “How did or do you cope?

There is no doubt life is full of ups and downs. There is also no doubt some people endure more adversity and heartaches than others. It seems so unfair, doesn’t it?

Sometimes, in church, we sing “Count Your Blessings,” and I wonder: How does a parent who has lost a child count his/her blessings? How does someone battling a horrible disease or living with a major disability count blessings? It’s easy for me. I’m healthy, my family is healthy, we have what we need and much of what we want. So how do people who are enduring so much more handle it?

So many do handle it. I see them coping, focusing on others, overcoming their heartache and pain to live the best life they can live given their current situation. Those with a strong religious faith rest on that faith to get them through, to help them day to day. I guess those without that faith find other ways to cope.

That doesn’t mean those people don’t feel sadness, grief, heartache. It just means they try not to let their adversity destroy them.

The photo above is of my daughter-in-law and me in front of St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. She works there as an occupational therapist, and I cannot describe how proud I am of her. Her job is emotionally taxing, but she loves it. She loves working with those children, and the parents often bond with her and other care-givers. I look at her and think about those parents and wonder: How do they do it? How do they cope?

The human spirit is amazing in how strong it can be. Coping doesn’t mean we don’t have our moments of sadness and grief. Coping doesn’t mean it is wrong to give in to that sadness. Sometimes, when by myself and allowing myself to give in to self-pity over my vision loss and loss of independence, I have a good cry. One of those ugly-crying episodes where I cry until I have no tears left.

It is healing. It releases the emotion and allows me to move forward. I am better able to focus on the positives, the blessings, in my life rather than this one big negative.

I often think about those kids at St. Jude and their parents. I think of friends and family members who have lost children, who are fighting cancer or some other disease, who are disabled for reasons far worse than my own disability. Thinking about those things makes me feel guilty for giving in to my own self-pity, but at the same time, that emotional release helps me be stronger.

So what is the point of my ramblings today? What good does it do to talk about grief and pain to those who haven’t experienced any of what I’ve mentioned?

Just this. Some advice. I think  what all of us would tell our younger selves, our before-adversity selves, is “don’t take anything for granted.” If your children are keeping you so busy you are exhausted, hug them because they are alive and well. If your job is wearing you out, be glad you have the health to work, and if you really hate it, try to find a different job. If you can get in a car at a moment’s notice and drive wherever you would like, be glad you have that measure of independence. If you can walk, if you can hear, if you can…you get the idea.

Yes, we will feel tired, stressed, discouraged, hurt, and all the other negative feelings that are a part of human existence. Don’t hide from your emotions, don’t push them aside. If you need a good ugly-cry, go for it. Then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and push forward the best you can.

Count your blessings and don’t take anything for granted. Maybe those almost-cliché words of wisdom are more powerful than we thought. And maybe we all need a reminder of The Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; taking, as Jesus did, the sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will;

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen. –Reinhold Niebuhr